Monday, September 22, 2014

Smack!

Arguing with your spouse is like keying your car.

It is YOUR car you are damaging!

But in the battle between couples, one of the things that drives me nuts is getting people to take a look at themselves.  I recently posted about how I disliked marriage counseling, here's a few specific dynamics that make me want to climb the wall.

If you are arguing, and your partner takes off the gloves and gets "mean" you really don't have any right to complain because you were throwing punches - verbally - as well.  You can't fight and expect not to get hurt.  And if you're throwing punches....do you really expect them to just take it?  Or if they fight back is that....not fair somehow?

Further, if you're arguing and you wanna compare who is getting hurt because someone gave a "low blow" - well - how do you know you aren't doing just as much damage to them yourself?  How do you know they aren't feeling just as hurt and that's why they started getting mean?   Pretty selfish to argue and then complain about a "low blow."  Pretty low to discount the bruises you gave and then complain about the ones you received.

Remove the beam in your eye before you remove the speck in another's eye.

Not only that, you may not have started it, but if you are perpetuating it, you're just as guilty.  Maybe even more because you decided to continue it.

You're the problem!  Not me!
You may not have started it, but if you're arguing and fighting?  You're part of the problem.   If you're arguing...you're wrong.


Nobody's making you argue.  Nobody's making you be mean.  Someone decided to be nasty, and you decided to jump in.  Just a thought.

In the end, nobody wins with contention.  But the blame game?  Drives me nuts.  Whenever I see husbands and wives blame each other I wanna smack 'em both.  It seems more common with women in our feminized society that devotes entire sitcoms to how stupid men are, and I see a lot of therapists automatically take up with the woman, and the woman get all huffy when she's held accountable for her actions.  But then...we're not exactly talking about the healthiest aspects of society here...so...what do I expect? 

I suppose if I got what I expected...there'd be no career for me.  Either way...I hate husband and wife counseling.

Oh and minus five points for you if you think to bring up what men do wrong, in defense of women...we all know what men do because they devote entire sitcoms and movies and news segments and university educations and curriculi and political pedestals and billboards and social welfare to that.  Oh, I'm not saying it isn't bad, I'm just saying...everybody knows it. 

Minus another five points for mentally dismissing valid points and justifying unkind behavior thereby.  

Minus another five if you think I'm justifying unkind behavior. 

Minus another ten if you're getting defensive reading this. 

Plus 100 if you did any of that and can laugh at it. 

Plus 100 if you didn't do any of that. 

Plus 5,000 points AND eternal life if you refuse to argue because you see it as harmful, or apologize when you do and take responsibility for your own actions. 

And plus 1,000 if you are resolved to apologize and to not argue going forth.

Minus 500 if you think that in writing this I think I'm perfect and am ignorant of the fact that I've done and felt like these things above, and minus another 500 for concentrating on someone besides yourself and engaging in deflection and blame. 

Minus 1,000 points if you are going to use my weaknesses to justify your own. 

Minus 10 billion if I find you making a statue of me because you think I'm humble and you decide to worship it.

Plus 20 billion if the statue is particularly good looking, comes with my own yacht and lifetime retirement account, a villa in some tropical place, and my student loans paid off.

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