Latter Day Musings

Unstable As Water...

2012-02-23T01:34:00.001-08:00

Reuben, the Firstborn of Jacob was given in his patriarchal blessing "Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel" (Gen 49:4).

The scriptures also say "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways" (James 1:8).

Still further, Matthew 6: 24 "¶No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."

In all these, instability or having more than one master is the pitfall.

I do remember Bruce Lee's teaching about water that it can fit into any container and assume any shape, yet can also wear away the hardest rock - "Be like the nature of water." Meanwhile in other places, the values and virtues of water are extolled.

But it got me to thinking about the nature of water that was spoken of in Genesis that we don't want to be like spiritually.

As I thought about it, I realized that water is pretty much subject to whatever environment it is in.

If it gets hot, it boils.

If it gets cold, it freezes.

If the pressure drops, it condenses.

If the pressure rises, it evaporates.

If the temperature drops and the pressure drops it rains.

A gust of wind can whip up a wave to be driven whithersoever the wind will go.

An earthquake will cause a wave to run off in all different directions.

Meanwhile, the slightest slope of land and the water immediately runs down it. It finds if not seeks the "lowest level."

The slightest disturbance and a ripple forms, the entire body gets disturbed.

Water really is unstable!

We on the other hand have been commanded to be like the rock - Christ. To build our house upon the rock. To stand like a lighthouse. To be a light on a hill.

I started thinking of the things I that I react and respond to and am unstable around - how I react to different environments the way water does. Where instead of holding true to my character, my character changes and not always for the better depending on what environment I am in. We are to be steadfast and immovable, not compromising our values based on a whim or even a situation. A change in temperature, pressure, the shifting of ground, or even being on a slope, shouldn't change who we are so drastically. We are to be stable - like a rock - who can be made into a corner stone or fit next to one and be able to be used as a foundation.

Temple Reflections......Time Stops Here and A Temple Tour

2012-02-21T23:35:00.001-08:00

Today the temple re-opened in Portland. I've found that my week just doesn't go as well if I don't get to go to the temple. On the flip side, life goes much more fantabulous if I do go!

Before I got there I downed a large sized pop from McDonalds. Then when I pulled up to the parking lot, I was surprised to find I couldn't get my keys out fast enough and was excited to be at the temple and was racing to get out of the car and then surprised myself almost RUNNING across the parking lot with excitement....then reverently walking inside....slowly.....until I got behind the old couple who decided to chat at the front desk and I found myself having SELF CONTAINED PANDEMONIUM thinking as I stood there calmly and reverently "C'MON C'MON C'MONNNNNNN OLD PEOPLE CHAT SOMEWHERE ELSE I WANNA GO INTO THE TEMPLE C'MON CHECK MY RECCOMMEND HURRYHURRYHURRY!!!!!" Then I got my recommend checked and I walked into the temple slowly, reverently on the outside but I was sprinting on the inside.

So I get inside and go to the restroom, change, use the restroom again, get my cough drops and gum just in case the air is dry so I don't cough through the endowment, and then we get led up to Endowment Room #3. I have a seat and the wonderful wonderful temple session begins. Ahhhhhh. Finally. That spirit. That peace. Ahhhhh. This is where I was meant to be. Heaven on earth. Between heaven and earth! Ahhhh. Leaving the world behind. I can hardly soak it up enough. I wish I could sit through two endowment sessions at the same time just to completely soak up the experience. Things are going along beautifully.

About 20 minutes into it, I suddenly become aware of something and remember something else. That large pop that I drank? While I'm learning all these celestial principles of immortality, a bit of mortality still lingers in that if I drink a gianormous pop that's going to want to go somewhere. And during a two hour temple session....well....since the bathroom's out of the question, it seems an appropriate place for something else suited to the circumstances: prayer. Lots of it. As in "I hope I make it" type prayers.

Well, I was soaking up the spirit of temple so much I decided I didn't care how badly I had to "visit the facilities" and would gladly suffer whatever discomfort for however long to just soak up the spirit in that room. Though as I thought about it, the endowment seems to lately be a grueling endurance marathon of one sort or another lately - i.e. dying of a dry cough if the air's too dry, or needing to use the facilities.

Although I do confess when it was over I hooked a left and headed straight to the lavatory after that. I returned to the celestial room right after and spent some time looking around. And then I decided to look around My Father's House with His permission of course. I told Him in prayer that I wanted to enjoy His house and take some more of it in, but I didn't want a bunch of temple workers asking me where I was going or wondering if I was lost or herding me back elsewhere or me feeling like I wasn't supposed to go anywhere. So I prayed. And then? Stepped into an elevator. I pressed "up." I could hear a temple worker down the hallway but the elevator arrived before they did and up to the very top of the Portland Temple I went.

What began next was, if you will, a magical journey of sorts as we don't often get to look around the temple as it is a place where work is done and everything is in order but the opportunity to walk around everywhere? Doesn't happen often. Not for me at least.

I had been around a bit before but had felt somewhat pressured by the temple workers to hurry even if they were just making sure I didn't have any questions. This was my first time unattended and having time to pass.

I noticed as I walked out of the elevator on the top floor, the carpet wasn't peach colored like the floor I had just left but was a very soft white. I saw a sign that said "meeting room" and I walked towards it. I followed the spirit to the right rather than going to the left and heard a temple worker come from the left. I wondered if he would ask me if I was lost. I saw him stop at the end of the hallway and he seemed very focused on getting to where he was going that he didn't even notice me. I was still free!

I walked through a big wooden door and found had entered the back of the big chapel on the top floor. I took a seat at the back. The ceiling was an imposing structure, high, vaulted with a centerpiece and an impressive stand up at the front with the most beautiful arrangement of flowers. Breathtaking actually. Marble walls with sunlight coming through the marble. Music softly playing from the speakers. And the chairs were a few hundred in number, wooden and apricot cloth colored, lined up exactly. There wasn't the least bit of disorder anywhere in the room. A painting of the Savior hung on one wall as he ordained and blessed his apostles. I had a seat. I soaked it in. It was quiet. And I was here and was welcome to be here.

I finally decided to walk to the stand and noticed that even the music stand wasn't the "usual music stand variety" but appeared to be hand crafted from wood and brass - several types of wood! All fit together to honor the Lord in the best craftsmanship possible. The podium/lecturn where a speaker would stand to address the temple congregation appeared to be wood with the center of leather and a beautiful set of white scriptures rest near the stand.

I decided to walk around further.

As I passed down the hallway, I noticed even more sealing rooms. As I poked my head in one, the lights came on! As I stepped in further, more lights came on! It was a beautiful experience. I wished I could remember which one Jennifer and I got married & Sealed in. I knew it was on the left but couldn't remember which one. I contemplated the chairs where the family of the bride and the groom sat and remembered that very special day. Oh, if only I could do it over again I would just so I could have soaked it up more.

I walked back a bit and found a room that said "Brethren's Study" with come very ornate chairs around the room and several more pictures of the Savior. Just being there was so peaceful. I could feel angels attending me as I walked through and enjoying my enjoyment of the Lord's house. I felt the prompting of the spirit that I needed to go downstairs now, only which way to go? I followed the spirit to the left and caught an amazing view down the stairwell in one of the spires. I looked and could see all the way from the top of the temple to the bottom what looked to be five floors. This isn't just five apartment levels. No. This is five levels of the most ornate and quality craftsmanship with marble and gold and fine wood and chandeliers. And I was still by myself!

I walked down the stairwell all the way to the bottom and enjoyed the paintings on the wall as well as the chandeliers that hung in the stairwell casting their warm glow over the quiet place I was at and had all to myself. As the temple had just been cleaned, the marble floors looked exceptionally shiny. Everything felt even cleaner than usual. Perfection. Silence. Peace. Solitude yet communion with God and Heaven.

As I entered the ground floor I was surprised to still see nobody on my trip through the temple. Surely there would be someone at the baptistry. I walked ahead to the baptistry and entered. Nobody. Just me and whatever angels accompanied me and the Spirit all around.

I love the baptistry. Its the one room that seems the busiest and also with the youth as they bring their youthfulness with them while striving to be reverent and learn the things of the Lord. So many people gathered around for one person doing an ordinance. But for now, it was empty. I finally decided to call it quits after contemplating the ceiling in the baptistry and looking at the twelve oxen and breathing in the baptistry air with its slightly-different-than-swimming-pool scent, somehow fresher. I took it all in.

As I walked out of the baptistry there was still nobody. UNTIL. I got into the elevator. And there was..... temple security. The one group of people not in white in the temple. The Men in Black! (lol) We shared an elevator and he seemed engrossed in some phone conversation over his walkie talkie earpiece. For all intents and purposes, I still had the temple or this part of it to myself. I got off on the main floor and went to change. I thanked the Lord for sharing His house with me and went to my car back out into the "lone and dreary wilderness" of a telestial world.

Later I'll tell you what I learned but for now, it was a wonderful experience - and I intend to go back next week! (if not sooner).

A Whole New World.....

2012-02-21T00:23:00.000-08:00

I love my country.

So much that I volunteered to put my life on the line for it.

And I did put my life on the line for it and for others while I served in her Fine Fine United States Navy.

There is nothing like seeing a 3rd world country that kills its own people to bring "reality" home to you and make the greatness of America stand out like nothing else upon returning home. Even our poor are among the richest in the world.

This in mind, much has been said by prophets past and modern concerning future events of this world and the resulting fallout. In the past I've been troubled by those forth-tellings because I've already seen what that world can look like while I was in the navy - you don't want to see it, you don't want to be there because not only is it a nightmare....you can't wake up or escape. There is no flipping a switch and having it just over or changing the channels. Once things get "that" bad, if history is any indication, they simply have to run their course.

Given that and other things, I've pondered quite often on the future of the church and the destinies of the nations that I've seen in my world travels and my experiences with the affairs of men and such and wondered...

Tonight as I went for a walk in the rain (I live in Oregon, we have plenty of that here) to talk with Heavenly Father I paused to look at the light from the city reflecting off the clouds in the evening and contemplated their orange glow up through the trees. Remembering times I would have given anything to be back here and now I was standing here in the comforts of home, I wondered what does the future hold for here - for home? Is it all going to be swept away and left desolate? Knowing that transition is rarely a smooth event in world history from one way of doing things to another, I just pondered the glow in the sky and thought of the places I've been and the people I've seen who would never see such a marvel and how many thousands of years it has been until this was ever seen here....and wondered if it was all to be done away with in a bit of a thought of sadness.

And just then, in a moment of inspiration I thought I heard the Spirit whisper "...its going to be even better!"

I thought in reply "Really?"

And I thought I heard it answer back "Absolutely! A thousand years of righteousness and only good on earth? It hasn't even begun to see its potential in terms of productivity and even quantity! Rivers clean and salmon swimming, the earth bringing forth a bountiful harvest like you can't comprehend.....yes....it will be much much better! The likes of which man hasn't even seen!"

I marveled to think of such a thing. I thought I saw in my minds eye just how things would look and I continued to receive further inspiration from the Spirit on the subject while I walked this evening. But for now, for a moment, on this topic I've thought so much on after my service to our country....I was comforted.

Go to the temple!

2012-02-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

Wonder what its like having these guys teach the Young Men or a Sunday School class or bear their testimony.....I wonder if they teach the philosophies of men....mingled with scripture....love it!

A Full Tithe, A Full Blessing.

2012-02-18T13:38:00.000-08:00

I've never ever been a full tithe payer 100% in my time in the church. I've always fallen down somewhere or missed something and never been able to claim the blessings of being a full tithe payer.

However, this year I'm off to a good start.

At any rate, I'm already seeing miracles.

As I'm seeing these miracles, it occurred to me - if you wish to see if God is paying attention to you or the world....pay your tithing.

It has been tempting to not pay here and there, but ultimately I'm tired of "short changing" God. There isn't anything in this world that isn't His, and everything I have I have been blessed with by Him. So, if God is willing to give me something, which is His to begin with, and then see if I'll just give back 10%, and then is willing to bless me with more - I can live with that.

Already the blessings of paying have exceeded what I would have gained had I not and it is only February!

Malachi 3:7 ¶Even from the days of your fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept them. Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the Lord of hosts. But ye said, Wherein shall we return?

8 ¶Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

9 Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.

10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts.

12 And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the Lord of hosts.

Just a thought.

Consider the Lillies....

2012-02-17T00:27:00.000-08:00

Life is tough right now, but it is good.

When I think of all the things I could worry about, perhaps the two most important to me in the most basic sense are taken care of. Namely, I'm not hungry and I'm not cold - I have a place to sleep. For today, that's the most important thing and everything else is a bonus on top of that.

Today my heart is full of gratitude for the simple comforts in life and that I live in an age and in a country where I can enjoy such comforts and have my family around me - those are my blessings. Perhaps yours are different. There really is Love At Home here in our house. Its a magical feeling when I enter that front door and even when I leave. The kids grab my legs and say before I leave "HUG KISS! HUG KISS!" meaning they want a hug and a kiss before I ever leave. I get to pull them close and tousle their hair and have fun with the jokes and playing. Beyond that, I know others who enter our home feel and see that magic too.

Matthew 6: 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

What Do Mormons Do

2012-02-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

The Liahona

2012-02-14T17:20:00.000-08:00

Interesting Nephi never tells us what the ball of curious workmanship was called, we don't find out until Alma 37:38.

I suppose if I wanted to be sillier, I could photoshop a Magic 8 Ball in there with them asking it questions.....

Dear President, Its happening......

2012-02-06T00:12:00.000-08:00

(I wrote this to my mission president tonight and decided to post it here).

I confess not a day goes by when I don't draw strength from my mission - I draw a lot of strength from your example.

The U.S. Navy taught me to accomplish a mission at any cost - even our own lives which we did risk and some did not come home.

However, the church and my mission taught me not to sacrifice some things and I am just now understanding that lesson: we mustn't sacrifice our heart or the hearts of others or the Spirit in accomplishing a mission.

It is a time of turmoil in the world. But this incredibly difficult and painful challenges, I've learned that I can navigate life's difficulties and keep that spirit and keep our hearts. I can be that standard in my family, bolster them and help them keep that spirit now. This is a gift the Lord has given me through those incredibly dark times.

Darker times are coming in the world - I don't know what we will be called to pass through as Saints, but I do know that the time will come when mens hearts shall fail them, the love of men shall wax cold. The ability to keep the spirit in those times that will come, those maddening times - I have seen them in the military - only there will be nowhere else to run to but Zion and we will need that peace.

I know that afflictions end, either in life or in death - we can be strengthened, we can be taught, trials can pass, we can pass, or we can have our trials swallowed in the joy of Christ. But in all things they will pass - and when they do we will look back having a different perspective than we did while we were in it. It will behoove us to be faithful even in tribulation.

I am ready now. Perhaps I was ready before because I've made it through - but I am ready for whatever is next. I hope for good, and pray against ill, but I know whatever comes - it will find me ready.

Thank you for the example of love and living it. I remember it and understand it now. I am becoming converted.

Latter Day Saint Politics

2012-02-04T23:23:00.000-08:00

Election season is upon us here in these great United States.

This in mind, I've found the Latter Day Saints to be as passionate as anyone in politics, albeit with a bit of a different flavor than the "gentiles" because of our belief in divine principles, prophets, prophecies, and a few other variables thrown in for good measure, although we are largely concerned with the same things.

I've had a very...um...warm...contention with a former home teaching companion who was a liberal democrat Jewish-convert to the LDS faith.

Where I struggled was that he began bringing up the political views of formerly prominent (but now obscure) LDS leaders in the past to say that because they believed x,y,z like he did that he was right and I was wrong and therefore not a real Latter Day Saint. He also went on about how he held a temple recommend and worked in the temple and was worthy further bolstering his credibility meaning that God was with Him and not Me....lots of things that are just not appropriate in a political discussion or in the LDS faith. I've even heard genealogies and relationships to the prophets - current and past - as a reason why someone was right and I was wrong on issues political.

The contention became so warm it threatened to rip my membership in our quorum apart, though I was determined not to let it do so but I was pretty annoyed to say the least. It has served as a lesson for me for quite a while on things spiritual, as to unity and purpose and brotherhood in any case.

However, despite whatever worthiness or supposed worthiness or claims to direction or authority we may have attained to in our lives, we cannot override the free-agency of others, we cannot compel them to vote the way we think they should, nor does it diminish their responsibility for their choices.

One of the things that is interesting when Jesus was asked questions about the scriptures He answered often "how readest thou?"

He never said "I'm the Son of God, I hold a temple recommend, am going to atone for your sins, I'm worthy, King David said this, NOW how readest thou.....(AHEM!)?" as lightning bolts menaced from his fingertips while he glared at them sitting on His throne.

There are political views I believe to be incompatible with the LDS faith. There are individuals in the public and political sphere who are LDS that I cannot understand how they can be LDS when they do what they do and vote the way they vote.

However out of it all I've learned a few lessons and come to believe a few things.

One, I'm less likely to listen to religious political zealots in my faith on how I should vote who don't keep the commandments themselves, or who hold up their keeping the commandments and callings and worthiness as an example of why I should listen to them. I will always have to decide for myself as well no matter who tells me anyways and I still might decide differently.

When I look at the political state of the Holy Roman Empire and the kingdom of Israel - the Lord didn't seem to be as concerned about the political affairs as He was the repentance of His people. The repentance of His people was to do more to bring about the Kingdom of God and peace than any emphasis on politics. Indeed the Kingdom of God cannot be built any other way - neither can we be saved any other way. So then to get overly excited and passionate on the topic of politics to where contention comes in, IMHO, is to have a lack of faith in God and to disregard the overriding message of the prophets.

What has been decreed has been decreed - what has been foretold has been foretold - and that is why we were warned to repent individually and then collectively and also to not fear those that can take our life but to fear him who can cast us into hell. If anything else, we have been blessed to be here to see the Last Days - to witness them and bear record of them - this is no accident.

If someone believes differently than another politically, then perhaps their understanding of gospel principles differ and in this we should endeavor to learn from one another rather than to teach one another. (Or in my one example they were a raving liberal lunatic who's mental faculties should be questioned.....just kidding!). If you've ever sat in a Gospel Doctrine class you know we all have different levels of understanding and sometimes disagreements arise. Similarly, maybe this is one of the wonderful things about being LDS is how similar and simultaneously diverse we are!

One of the greatest desires of the Adversary is to split us from our Brethren - to turn us against each other. The Adversary is also called "the accuser of the Brethren" - when we take this tone and do not allow for individual accountability or responsibility we have indeed lost more of the spirit of the Lord and His blessings than we have gained even if our political views are correct!

All of this in mind, I think if we do not have compassion or faith in the Lord then no amount of "political correctness" or being right politically can save us. Indeed - faith in the Lord and individual repentance would do more to secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity than any amount of electioneering alone.

Ether 2:9 And now, we can behold the decrees of God concerning this land, that it is a land of promise; and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall serve God, or they shall be swept off when the fulness of his wrath shall come upon them. And the fulness of his wrath cometh upon them when they are ripened in iniquity.12 Behold, this is a choice land, and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall be free from bondage, and from captivity, and from all other nations under heaven, if they will but serve the God of the land, who is Jesus Christ, who hath been manifested by the things which we have written.

In all this I didn't read anything about a political candidate or party. It only talked about serving Christ which means repenting - not being lifted up in pride or contending against our brethren.

Lightening Our Burdens

2012-02-01T23:11:00.000-08:00

The other day while studying my scriptures, I came across a verse(s) in Alma 31 that made me think about how the Lord lightens our burdens.

37 And after that they did separate themselves one from another, taking no thought for themselves what they should eat, or what they should drink, or what they should put on.

38 And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of Alma; and this because he prayed in faith.

No stranger to afflictions, I like you - dear reader - have been very dissatisfied with some of my situations in life. And I'm doubtless certain that we have had some of the same thoughts regarding the fixing of our dissatisfaction with our circumstances.

See if this at all resembles your thoughts regarding your circumstances at some point in life:

"Just kill me...."
"Take me now..."

"Could you just fix it so that...."

"I wish I'd never known or heard of....."
"I wish I'd never been born...."

"I wish this was over...."

If it is - then we're not that much different in this regards.

At any rate, from this scripture and massive amounts of time spent reflecting on my difficulties, I realized that there are at least five different ways that the Lord lightens our burdens.

Two of the most common we think of might be as follows:

First, the Lord *can* change our circumstances so that we no longer have to deal with them. Or the circumstances can just change. Time can pass. And the burden can be gone. Unfortunately though, when a burden is gone, so also can be the potential blessings and opportunities that may have come from dealing with that burden. But this is one of the ways the Lord can lighten our burden.

Additionally, the Lord can end our lives. (So can we.) We read in the scriptures how those in the spirit world rest from their cares and sorrows. But again, conversely, while death can bring a respite from our burdens, it can also end the possible blessings and opportunities - or even saddle us with other burdens as work left behind by us is now unable to be performed, others in pain and sorrow or who needed our influence now no longer have us. This in mind, I believe that the Lord is very selective and very knowing about who needs to come home and who must stay, and when, and why, and how.

These are the two most commonly sought after blessings I have, and I see and hear Latter Day Saints pleading with the Lord to resolve their burdens and difficulties in life. However, it occurred to me that there are at least three others.

A third is that the Lord can teach us so that we can have perspective. Matthew 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. Sometimes when we learn something we didn't understand previously, our view of things change, and our hearts and minds can take rest. Perhaps at times when coping with life's situations, we should pray that the Lord helps us understand something rather than change it. Moreover when we understand something, we are being empowered and given the tools and abilities to change a situation and fix a burden. Learning of the Lord and His perspectives can do just as much to lighten our load as having the situation change without any effort other than prayer on our part - indeed, we've grown as a result. In this instance, the burden has served as our teacher. The temple seems to help me the most with perspective and learning so that I can cope with the difficulties of life.

A fourth way that the Lord can lift our burdens is to give us strength to endure as was written in Alma. As we grow in strength, we no longer crumble under the weight of our burdens, nor do we notice them as much any more. Moreover, other burdens that may come find us stronger and not noticing them as much either. In this way a burden can serve to prepare us for other burdens, and can improve our quality of life overall if we gain strength from it, or if the Lord gives us strength.

Last of all our burdens can be swallowed up in the Joy of Christ. Perhaps in some ways this is the most effective of all ways to lighten our load. This, too, is another way in which the Temple excels in helping us lighten our load. When we are in the temple, our burdens seem gone, our cares behind us if we will let them be and we can just bask in the Spirit of the Lord. Even when our burdens or trials pass, we may not necessarily have joy, so also with death, not always with strength, and even with knowledge joy may not be present. But joy can truly make everything easier - it can make it easier to learn, easier to endure, easier to see, easier to pass through a trial, easier to pass on if we are called to do so.

My closing thoughts?

Perhaps when we are struggling with one of life's burdens, rather than just asking for help we should ask for a specific type of help, such as helping us be happy, understanding a situation or gaining strength instead of just hoping circumstances change. Perhaps then we can truly advocate for ourselves and more effectively work out our salvation rather than just waiting for "God to fix it."

Just my thoughts....

Success....

2012-01-29T20:47:00.000-08:00

My wife put this on facebook.

But I didn't....

2012-01-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

There is so much I wanted to do in the church as a new convert. Now a member of eighteen years, I am just learning the work that goes into the small things that make the great things come to pass. I currently have a ton of work as my corner of the vineyard brings forth some amazing fruit in my home teaching families. I got a baptism, missionary discussions, temple progression - all sorts of things! My corner of the vineyard is just miraculously bringing fruit!

As I reflected on my drives and goals in the gospel, unexpectedly somewhat of a poem came out as I thought of the lessons I'd learned in my desires in the gospel - it went something like this.

I wanted to be a Bishop

But I wasn't even doing my home teaching

I wanted to see the sealed portion of the plates

But I hadn't even read what we'd been given

I wanted to be a seer

But I wasn't even fully utilizing my priesthood I'd been given

I wanted to help guide the church

But I hadn't learned yet to manage my own family

I wanted to teach the gospel

But I hadn't even learned it yet

I wanted to show people the way

But I hadn't found it yet myself nor was I walking in its paths

I wanted to teach a class

But I hadn't even been showing up for the ones I was supposed to be a student in

.I wanted a wife to love

But I didn't even love myself

I wanted to raise a family

But I hadn't even been taking care of myself

I wanted eternal life

But I wasn't yet grateful for the mortal life I was living

I wanted to learn the mysteries

But I wasn't even learning gospel principles

Since then I've found much joy in the little things. The Lord has taught us what it takes to grow in those things of the gospel and has said as such: Matthew 25:23 His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.

Meanwhile, I wanted to be Assistant to the President as a Missionary and I got left as a District Leader, Trainer and Senior Companion. Meanwhile, my companions and I were having massive success baptizing. My Zone Leader asked me if I really thought it would be wise to take a baptizing missionary and put them in an office driving around? He said it would be a waste. We needed baptizing missionaries. Now, today, I'm so glad I never got that calling.

As for all the others, perhaps there's more joy to be found where I am doing what I am - and I'll get to enjoy the rest some other time in the future.

There is time. Blessed are they who wait upon the Lord and have faith in Him.

Temple Reflections

2012-01-27T14:06:00.000-08:00

I've been to the temple two to four times a week now for a month.

I cannot believe the difference it makes in my life.

The ordinances of the temple are very deep, rich and there is much to learn from them. I am memorizing them and seeing how they relate to each other.

I found another reference to the Temple ordinances in Moses 5 while I waited for a session to start:

58 And thus the Gospel began to be preached, from the beginning, being declared by holy angels sent forth from the presence of God, and by his own voice, and by the gift of the Holy Ghost.

59 And thus all things were confirmed unto Adam, by an holy ordinance, and the Gospel preached, and a decree sent forth, that it should be in the world, until the end thereof; and thus it was. Amen.

The message I draw from the temple is that "It's going to all be okay."

I know we worry so much about the day-to-day and have so many complexities to work through. Some things are complex, some things are frustrating, some things sorrowful, some things aggravating.

I know all this first hand.

I like to say when the occasion permits "I am a veteran of the valley of sorrow and tribulation."

I know dispair. I know pain. I know suffering. I know hurt.

And despite this I also know it could've been worse.

But the message I got out of the temple is that all things are in the Lord's hands.

He Has already triumphed. He has already won. The outcome is already known.

I've had things taken away from me in this life. So has my wife. So have my children. And we are watching other things be taken. But other blessings are taking their place. Blessings of comfort, peace, hope, love, strength and confidence.

But in the end, it really doesn't matter what we shall lose or gain in this life. The Lord has promised that we shall be heirs with him. All will be well.

Which means all the day to day distractions just don't matter that much.

I know that we can gain this testimony as we go to the House of the Lord. Again. And again. And feel His spirit. If we don't have a recommend, we can go sit in the atrium or walk on the temple grounds. But I do know that all will be well.

It Doesn't Get Better Than This....

2012-01-26T03:55:00.000-08:00

It's going on 4am here in Oregon.

Cold, wet and rainy.

My window is open and the night air caresses me.

Familiar scents enter my room from the outdoors, like an old friend, they fill my soul.

My wife in bed next to me sleeping soundly.

My infant son sleeps contentedly next to me with the occasional fits and yawns.

Our two children snuggled in beds down the hall.

And a friend asleep on the couch in the other room having a place where she's welcome to stay.

The rain beats its rhythm - unsteady - yet familiar.

I hear the water running over the earth from its falling from the skies.

The breeze blows through the trees in the night air - its voice known and comforting.

I don't have to be anywhere but home tomorrow or today.

With food in my fridge and a bit of time and the blessings of Heaven - for just a moment,

It doesn't get better than this.

Thank you Heavenly Father.

Respecting The Wishes Of The Living And The Dead....

2012-01-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

In our vicarious temple work, if you don't know, there are a few rules for the submission of names of the deceased to the temples for ordinance work.

The rules, briefly are as follows in my own words:

Persons must be deceased for a year before work can be done for them.
Individuals born within the last 95 years, if you are not the closest living relative, require permission to be obtained before performing the ordinance.
Certain groups of names from world history are not permitted to have the work done from them - i.e. Jewish Holocaust victims unless all family members currently living are in agreement and you are a direct line relative to them.
If you are not the closest living relative and family members refuse to allow the work to be done, or if the individual has specifically asked not to have their work done - you are obligated to follow it.

I have wondered myself in discussions with others who don't like the practice, "Why do you care so much if you don't believe the doctrine?"

Last night as I was doing my genealogy, I found a relative who's work was entered into New Family Search but a restriction had been placed upon their ordinances so that I could not have it done.

I was upset. For a few reasons. Perhaps the biggest was that my relative was a veteran and a casualty of the Attack on Pearl Harbor.

Let me share a bit of family history and explain who this relative was and why that's significant to me.

Machinists Mate 1st Class

My father's father was also at Pearl Harbor that day, though he wasn't killed - he was a Gunners Mate topside on a light cruiser that put up so much anti-aircraft fire the Japanese couldn't even get close to that quadrant of the harbor anymore and my grandfather's ship covered themselves and four other ships around them. My grandfather was a hero of Pearl Harbor and of World War II.

But this relative was on the USS Oklahoma, a battleship.
He was in the U.S. Navy, like I was.
He was a Machinists Mate, like me.
He was a Machinists Mate first class, and had been in the Navy since 1928.

Being a Machinists Mate, he was responsible for the propulsion systems and generating power so they could produce electricity on the ship. Machinists Mates normally work below the waterline deep inside the ship - often going for days and sometimes weeks without seeing sunlight keeping the ship alive.

The USS Oklahoma was hit in the opening of the attack with five torpedoes by the Japanese planes. Within twelve minutes the ship had rolled completely over in the harbor, capsizing. This means within six minutes she was rolled over halfway over decks past vertical to the sky and within 3 minutes they were at a 60+ degree angle - that's 180 seconds. 180 seconds from hearing the firsts blasts go off and recovering yourself to run a maze through a dark ship that's rolling through fire, smoke, water, flooding and find your way topside. Within 360 seconds much of that was underwater. Much of the water was covered with burning oil if they made it off the ship. Those that made it off the deck and into the water looked up to see 27,000 tons of steel rolling over on them in a hurry and about to suck them under and they had to literally swim for their lives, meanwhile Japanese pilots strafed them in the water with machine guns killing many.

A Machinists Mate First Class is one of your most senior sailors in the engineering divisions with considerable experience belowdecks, training and leading other sailors. The job of your engineers is to provide power for the rest of the ship. Your senior sailors are the last to get off the ship as they help the junior, newer and younger sailors out first - Naval tradition, naval rule. Not just because it is nostalgic or honorable, but because your senior men are the most skilled and have the best chance at making it out of a worse situation and can be relied upon to give the best account when the entire situation is over. Meanwhile the sailors inside would have shut watertight doors and tried to minimize flooding as much as possible to give themselves somewhere safe to await rescue - however this was impossible with the Oklahoma as she rolled so fast that doors were hanging upside down, many of the doors on a navy ship are anywhere from 1/8 to 1/4 of a ton - and if water is coming from behind them, you can forget it.

After the USS Oklahoma had completely rolled over with her hull sticking out of the water, furious tapping was heard through the hull of the survivors still trapped in the ship. Navy divers moved torches via various gigs to cut through the hull right in the middle of the attack to rescue trapped shipmates banging on the hull - right in the middle of fire and burning oil and an ongoing attack while being shot at in the open with nowhere to hide and only their prayers to God to protect them as they tried to help others.

Only 32 sailors out of the entire ship trapped belowdecks were able to be rescued through the hull. Often when the navy divers made a cut in the hull for a rescue, due to the inability to assess the damage below decks, it would let the air escape out of the hull and the compartment would flood drowning their shipmates who they knew right before their eyes, sometimes with their hands trying to reach through the cuts in the hull.

The tapping finally stopped on December 10th, three days later as the men trapped below suffocated and died in the oily pitch black darkness of a steel tomb below water.

My relative's body was recovered from the USS Oklahoma meaning he was one of those who drowned and suffocated. He was identified by his dog tags that sailors wear around their necks and around one shoe.

USS Oklahoma capsized after the attack - hull out of the water.

He had an 18 month old daughter and a wife back in the states waiting for him. And the next time she saw him it was in a military coffin and buried in Ashland, Oregon. Killed on the first day of war on a morning when we believed we were at peace.

To me, if any of my family deserved to have their work done, this man did. But someone doesn't want it done and I don't know why.

There is a way around it very easily, but we are obligated to follow the rules and respect the wishes of the living and / or dead - even if we disagree.

Sounds a bit like Heavenly Father's dillemma, doesn't it?

So I asked my Heavenly Father why is this? If anyone in my personal experience has a meaningful history to me who I would like to see receive the ordinances of exaltation so he can rest in peace, it is this man.

I received an answer for me. I won't declare this as the answer to the topic, but rather my answer that was given to me.

Heavenly Father told me that what happens in this life impacts what happens in the next. Attitudes, feelings, friendships, relationships, beliefs, decrees, actions - all impact what takes place in the world to follow. Just as men have moral and free agency, we have to respect that in our work for the dead. Even if we wanted to, we cannot compel them to heaven, whether we do the ordinances or not.

In all this - blessed are they who wait upon the Lord.

The judgement is not yet. We have over a thousand years of Christs' reign before the final judgement. As badly as I want that work done now - there is still time and there will be time.

Despite my angst, I was comforted - and if it be the will of God that I wait and respect whatever wishes may be - then I will wait and leave it in the Lord's hands. If the Lord can wait, then I suppose I can wait.

There is still time.

There will be time.

Blessed are they who wait upon the Lord.

Second Chances And More....

2012-01-21T00:27:00.000-08:00

I received an observation from a friend on the previous post that prompted me to change the blog entry to reflect that others can cause us to lose blessings as well as our own actions.

Similarly, we can cost others blessings as well.

I'd be lying if I said that I had never cost anyone anything.

I would be lying if I said I had never cost myself anything.

This is why I draw such great comfort from so many of the stories of the Book of Mormon and especially the Old Testament as the Lord's chosen people were often rebellious and hard hearted and He chastened them and forgave them more times than I can count - individually and collectively.

One of the most inspirational scriptures to me comes from Alma regarding repentance:

Alma 34:31 Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you.

I know that repentance is a process, but if we can soften our hearts and repent the plan of salvation is brought about immediately to us.

Repentance takes time and in some cases takes more time than other cases - not just repentance but being reborn. But starting repentance can happen immediately.

But beyond this, the Lord has shown time and time again through the scriptures that He loves His children and understands what we are going through here and isn't willing to let a single act - and in many cases a few hundred acts - completely separate us from him.

When a lightbulb burns out - another replaces it - until we no longer need the lightbulbs. However if lightbulbs were blessings - or visa versa - one might say we always need them, here and hereafter.

I have come to feel and see that the Lord not only to some degree replaces us in others' lives when we fail or fall - but He also replaces blessings.

The Lord knows our lives' ends from their beginnings - through and through. Our lives' lessons and needs and experiences are known well beforehand. The Lord knows very well that some blessings may need to be offered multiple times before we are able to embrace them, use them, understand them and accept them.

An example of this would be the Sacrament - or even the Gift of the Holy Ghost. We receive the Sacrament weekly so that we can partake of its blessings and come to understand its significance and meaning. Meanwhile, the Gift of the Holy Ghost sometimes tells us things over and over again or comforts us over and over again through a difficult time.

However, we needn't think that we can simply "waste" a blessing and that when it comes around again it will be exactly the same thing. Neither should we think that when a blessing has passed by that all is lost. In all this we should commune with the Lord in prayer. I have in the past been so worked up over the prospect of losing a blessing that I could no longer be comforted and guided by the spirit to keep it that I did ultimately lose the blessing. I wasn't living in faith or having faith in the Lord. However, the loss provided experience and knowledge that were themselves blessings, and I got another opportunity that I was better prepared for and trumped the first.

YOU'RE OUT!

Like when we are teenagers and our world gets shattered, destroyed, ripped apart by our first lost love, that pain is forgotten when our new and eternal love arrives and our relationship matures and deepens. So also may we feel the pangs of sorrow at having lost a blessing - but when the new one comes to take its place, it usually finds us a bit wiser, more appreciative and ready for it, and its arrival helps wash away many of the regrets and sorrows of the loss of the first.

Our Heavenly Father is a loving God whose mercy is unparalleled in this world. He is more merciful and more just and more perfect and more loving than we can comprehend. Do we honestly think that the Holy Ghost is such a guy who's just waiting around for us to sin so He can say "THAT'S IT! THEY SINNED! I can go now! Buh bye! See ya! Whewwwww! I am OUTTA HERE!"

Neither is God saying "OH GOOD! Frank blew that blessing, since he only gets one, I don't have to give him another so less work for me. WHEEEE! Okay, are we done yet? I'm tired of blessings, lets wrap this whole earth-thing up so we can call it a weekend, c'mon guys."

Our Heavenly Father loves us. And there are certain things that are necessary for our eternal progression that we will have every opportunity necessary for us to receive and have because a) He loves us and b) He wouldn't be a just or a merciful god if it wasn't so. While some things just can't be replaced if we lose them, it might behoove us to remember that our religion is about the only religion that has an answer for the salvation of souls who die without having heard this gospel - and apply that concept of mercy to our own lives in our seeking after blessings. Indeed, our Father knows when we will struggle and fall has has set things in motion well before we have even thought of the things we need or realized it.

I know God lives and loves us. And I know he has given us time so that we can make the mistakes, learn the lessons, receive the blessings that we need in order to fulfill our purpose on this earth. I think this is where besides being faithful, one of the things we've been told is "...they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 31:9

We'll have the energy to do other things and receive still other blessings - perhaps because we'll save our energy by simply having faith and being patient and knowing the plan of salvation and eternal progression and waiting.

Perhaps our last comfort is that whatever blessings we may have received or think we have lost is that "...since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him." (Isaiah 64:4).

Changing Blessings....

2012-01-19T12:34:00.000-08:00

Blessings can change.

We can lose them.

We can gain them.

We can change them.

We can improve them.

We can diminish them.

We can ask for different ones.

We can reject the ones we've been given.

If you're like me you look forward to the future very often through the prism of your patriarchal blessing and any other blessings you may have received.

But what if they don't come true?

Then that leaves two possibilities - one) we weren't faithful. two) the priesthood holder wasn't inspired.

I'm going to lean more towards the first one in this.

Blessings and "forth-tellings" aren't a declaration so much of what WILL be or even should be - so much as what can be or even could be if we are true and faithful.

Blessings can change for several reasons - perhaps the two most notable are that our faithfulness changes or the time for a blessing to be received or bestowed passes. In some cases, blessings may depend on another whose choices may prevent a blessing from being received.

We read in D&C 9 of Oliver Cowdery's blessing pertaining to translation changing or being lost so to speak:

10 Now, if you had known this you could have translated; nevertheless, it is not expedient that you should translate now.

 11 Behold, it was expedient when you commenced; but you feared, and the time is past, and it is not expedient now;

I have learned that the Lord does know our capabilities - He became very frustrated with Moses for stepping back from the calling and requesting Aaron to be his mouth when the Lord asked essentially "Didn't I make your mouth and don't I know whether you can do this or not?"  However, we are the ones who must account for our abilities to the Lord.

In all things, I've learned it is up to us! The Lord can bestow them and  give them, but it is up to us to receive them and keep them.  He cannot  force us to heaven nor will He.  Neither will he force us to receive  anything we don't wish to receive or even are unable to.

Inspirational Quotes

2012-01-19T01:58:00.000-08:00

As I'm going to bed this evening....

My wife: I love you....

Me: I'm with you till the end....

My wife: If we do it right there will be no end...

awwwwww!

Latter Day Musings - In So Many Words

2012-01-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

I made this while in class this evening using a program called www.wordle.net

Matthew's Book: Different

2012-01-17T00:18:00.000-08:00

Here's my latest entry for Matthew's Book. I've started adding pictures to it (The one below is one I added) because I plan on having it printed and ready for him by his baptism in September.

I’ve been alive long enough to have learned that no matter what you do, people are going to have different opinions about it. Even experts disagree to where you can have ten experts and eleven opinions on something. As far as parenting goes, everyone it seems will want to offer their advice and opinions. You’re going to find that no matter what you do, someone’s going to tell you that you’re doing it wrong. I might refer to the poem “If” in this instance as to a guideline on how to handle this seemingly endless obstacle in our lives:

“...If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too....”

Consider their differences of opinion and value input, if anything you can learn about different opinions of the world, but just remember - no matter what you do - someone’s going to disagree and that doesn't necessarily mean you‘re wrong. Maybe they are wrong! Maybe they have no idea what they are talking about but still have an opinion! Maybe it doesn’t matter and you’re just different. Learn to be comfortable with that and you’ll be a step ahead in the world.

Captains of Tens, Fifties and Hundeds

2012-01-15T21:57:00.000-08:00

There are many callings in the church of varying degrees of honor, respect and authority.

However, the importance of callings aren't measured by their publicity or their grandiosity. Perhaps you've heard this story that follows:

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.

Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?"

The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die."

"Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can't make a difference!"

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said "
I made a difference for that one!"

One of the things that occurred to me today during stake conference is that the Lord has called "Captains of tens, fifties and hundreds" and so on.

The Lord wasn't solely interested in just the captains. Indeed were it not for the tens, fifties or hundreds there would be no need for the captains. More than that it was the work of the tens, fifties and hundreds that the Lord needed - it was their work that needed to be done - the captains' jobs were merely to guide them.

We have been called in our callings, be it Home Teachers, Visiting Teachers, or simply as children in a family to Honor our Father and Mothers, or even being Fathers and Mothers or even doing our genealogy - our work matters to those we do the work for. Even if it is only one person that we touch.

Further, if we think that we aren't important because we don't have some grand lofty calling we can simply remember that the Lord has called a visiting teacher / home teacher for each of us or that we are called to be one usually. The parables of the ninety-and-nine being left to find the one, spoken by the Savior Himself is an indication of just how valuable we are in the eyes of Heaven.

While I'm at it, if I can criticize the rationale of certain atheists in the media lately who claim that the creator of the entire universe wouldn't care if a human being made their SAT's or got the car they wanted or won an NFL football game - it's just too miniscule an issue to believe that God would care about that.

THAT is what we call: An assumption (ASSUME - we all know what happens when we do THAT).

There are very powerful people in this world who hold the lives of thousands and even millions in their hands - yet it doesn't mean they don't care about their children or pay attention to their desires. Just because something's big doesn't mean they don't pay attention to the small things. Indeed, often, CEO's and the like become CEO's just to better provide for their families and such.

Besides, to rationalize like that says to me they think that happiness just isn't important.

Well...."Men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25.

That joy wouldn't be possible if we had a Heavenly Father who would build a universe and not pay attention to the details of His creation. Our happiness would simply be a luck-shot-gamble. Indeed, if an architect of something simply builds big because bigger is better and doesn't pay attention to the details - I might think that they weren't a very good architect and would wonder why they were in the business. But our Father has told us that we are of more worth than many sparrows whom He provides for daily by the millions and even the hairs of our heads are known and numbered to Him.

You are loved and known and your very life is understood by Him - if you're not sure, go ask! I know He will listen and will answer you in a way you can understand because He's there, He cares and loves you and He is listening.

He may need you to be on a work team or be a captain - but either way, there is work to do if you desire it and your work and abilities are known and are very important, both to God and those you will touch - like the starfish.

As I Have Loved You....

2012-01-12T00:28:00.000-08:00

I'm teaching in the Elder's Quorum this coming Sunday on loving one another.

I don't know that I have power to add to the doctrines of Christ, nor enhance what has been said already by so many, but I thought I would share a few reflections as I prepare for this lesson.

Life is TOUGH.

It is brutal.

A thousand shocks upon our hearts, flesh and mind seem to take aim at us daily.

Children leaving home quickly discover that the world doesn't care a whole lot whether they fail or succeed. Where one fails, another fills their place. If you're lucky, you might get a gravestone with your name on it when it is all over. And if you're luckier still, maybe someone will visit it from time to time. And if you're even luckier still, perhaps someone will write about you and others might remember your life and learn from it - for good or ill - in the years to come.

So what does this have to do with love, other than there is an apparent lack of it in the world?

I've discovered from my own life that being filled with hatred and anger, being hard hearted is very easy, but at the same time very unfulfilling. Anger fills you with a hunger for more anger. It can and will consume you - until the concepts of love, compassion, charity, forgiveness are but dim memories or even seemingly foolish notions of the weak and naive.

All too often there seems to be a rush to teach children "the real world" on the part of many parents - I've heard them say this! To show them just how much the world doesn't care. To expose them to violence and debauchery so that they can cope with the "realities"of the world.

I assure you, those things will come in time soon enough. It doesn't take much effort on the parts of parents to ensure this happens. But it is the things of God that children - the world - needs to know. Not the things of the devil.

Love is what makes the things of God possible. The priesthood doesn't operate through hatred, anger or malice. The temple ordinances aren't performed out of spite of others, nor can they be. At no point in the gospel does anger fit in with what the Lord has commanded us to do.

Indeed, the concept of unselfish love is at the center - if not the center - of the gospel.

However, I do not believe the Lord commanded us to love simply for the sake of loving like some extra homework assignment of busywork to do. There is a motivating eternal principle in love in the gospel beyond just a bunch of wonderful feelings.

Perhaps the greatest of all is that when we love others through their faults and forgive them as we forgive ourselves - love them as we love ourselves - we become like our Father in Heaven. Father in Heaven has been entrusted with the most sacred trusts of all - every single tiny facet of our lives. There is nothing He does not know, see, or influence in some way if not have the ability to influence. Every thought. Every hope. Every dream. Every desire. Every sin. Every mistake. Every virtue. Even every hair on our heads are numbered to him. Could you imagine a God full of anger and hatred having so much power? Or even an ambivalent God?

If we are to someday be like him and be entrusted with so much that the priesthood affords, that family life and eternal covenants promise - how could we expect to ever fulfill them without that Christlike love?

Beyond that, I believe that Christlike love is what enables us to fulfill our mission in life. When we can set aside anger and respond to life's situations through love rather than react through anger or other emotions - we become masters of our destiny and lives in accordance with the gospel and mission the Lord has outlined for us.

Given all this, "Love one another" isn't just a nice maxim and a lofty sounding commandment - it is the key to our salvation.

Washed Clean - Becoming Clean

2012-01-09T12:52:00.000-08:00

The story of Enos is very special to me as it has given me hope that through prayer and faith we may be forgiven of our sins:

4 And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.

 5 And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed.

6 And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away.

7 And I said: Lord, how is it done?

8 And he said unto me: Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou hast never before heard nor seen. And many years pass away before he shall manifest himself in the flesh; wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole.

9 Now, it came to pass that when I had heard these words I began to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren, the Nephites; wherefore, I did pour out my whole soul unto God for them.

It is interesting that after being washed clean, Enos felt a desire for others. He didn't say "Thanks!" and walk on without looking back. He became concerned for others - a hint of a conversion I suppose.

Having been forgiven of my sins time and time again, I have at times grown weary of asking for forgiveness in general wondering how many times must I ask and if the Lord ever grows tired of us asking.

As I take the sacrament, I feel the miraculous washing of my soul through bread and water each week. And then I go to live my life, and I stumble and fall again.

I came to realize that there is a difference between being washed clean and becoming clean.

Even Christ said to his disciples "Ye are clean but not all" (John 13:10).

Entering in at the gate does qualify us for the kingdom, but continuing on the path at our own speed is what takes us to the kingdom.

Being washed clean can give us peace. Continuing steadfastly and becoming clean keeps the peace.

Our soul can be washed clean, but we must also clean our desires, motives, hearts, patterns, tendencies. There is much to be cleaned besides just our souls! Indeed, it is these other things that contribute to the cleanliness of our souls. I might even call it "spiritual deep cleaning" when we examine these other facets of our lives.

While we may be washed clean, what good does it do us if we are washed clean and immediately return to our uncleanness? Then I suppose the question would be - were we actually clean? Could we have dwelt in the presence of God in such a state even though we were clean for a moment?

And while we may take the sacrament to wash our soul and become clean through Jesus Christ, we can keep our cleanliness through faithfulness. That power lies in us if we will but choose to use it.

The Blessings of Sacrament For Families

2012-01-08T13:36:00.000-08:00

If you have children or have dealt with them in sacrament, or have ever attended a sacrament other than a singles ward in your time in the church, you know that the sacrament meeting can be difficult to sit through for parents.

Unable to hold still, focused on whether or not there are snacks in their bag, obsessed with "who started it" and the lingering rivalries that follow them in the church left over from the ride from home and continued through the parking lot right into the pew, always having to pay attention to what others are doing and completely unable to mind their own business, constantly having toys in their hands and often utterly missing the message being passed over the pulpit - parents seem to do everything but pay attention to the sacrament!

This morning as my son sat in sacrament - a new lesson was learned. My seven year old son leaned over and nuzzled his face into my side and just rested on me for about a half hour. I put my arm around him and ran my fingers through his hair and had time to reflect on the lessons of youth and time spent as a parent. What did I learn? What did he learn?

I learned I love my son, and he learned that I love him. He learned what it's like to sit close to his father and feel that spirit of closeness.

I suppose if we go for anything in Sacrament, one thing we go for is to interact with our families in a way we might not anywhere else - a spiritual setting.

I suppose in some ways, sitting still in sacrament is preparation for sitting still in the temple with them someday when they go.

Truth Eternal Tells Me I've A Mother There

2012-01-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

For Family Home evening, I got to pick the hymn last night.

I chose "Oh My Father." A catchy little tune with a splendid message about the eternal nature of families.

At any rate, as we worked through all four verses, part of the hymn sings thusly:

"In the heavens Are parents single?

No, the thought Makes reason stare!

Truth is reason Truth eternal

Tells me I've a mother there!"

The concept of a Heavenly Mother isn't widely discussed for various reasons in the LDS theology. Perhaps one of the main reasons of which is that there isn't a whole lot revealed on the topic among other reasons. The only other references I've seen indirectly in the scriptures are Nephi saying that he was shown the Mother of the Son of God after the manner of the flesh, (God doesn't waste words in the scriptures, were there no need for a distinction or clarification it wouldn't have been made) and also in Genesis when Adam is created and Adam is presented his wife and says that for this cause (marriage) shall a man leave his Father and Mother (and I believe he was referring to himself at this point).

At any rate, in the Latter Day Saint theology, God was once a man as we are and even experienced mortality for a brief spell.

A repugnant doctrine to many...unless one considers that all other Christian religions consider Jesus Christ as God Himself.

Who was mortal.

At any rate, given that mortality is but a brief moment in all eternity, it is neither beginning, the end nor the origins of a soul. It is merely a step in eternity and eternal progression. The idea of God the Father having been mortal doesn't seem so strange to me anymore when I consider how brief a time mortality is.

Meanwhile, as I was reflecting on the verse above, it suddenly occurred to me that my Heavenly Mother would have been mortal as well.

Not only Mortal, but She and Heavenly Father would have gone to the temple together.

Raised children together.

Took the kids to Parent Teacher Conference together.

Went to church together.

Experienced the pangs and frailties of mortality together, perhaps aging and dying at some point.

I know that to be exalted she would have to have been a virtuous woman. Perhaps a lady who even made you mind your manners and carry yourself with a bit more dignity in her presence.

Suddenly as I thought of a Heavenly Father - MY Heavenly Father - and Mother especially in this fashion, I had the sense that I didn't want to let them down in this life.

That if this was true, then they truly did understand what I'm going through.

Not only do they understand me, to a better degree, I understand them.

I know them better.

There is something divine about a virtuous woman. Indeed, it was the influence of several women most notably who influenced me to become a Latter Day Saint.

At any rate, as the notion settled upon me of a motherly figure who may have been like many of the virtuous LDS women who have touched my life as being my mother in the heavens and who had experienced much and knew much of what I struggle with in this life - I suddenly felt a stronger desire to not to fail.

More than that I suddenly felt more connected with Heaven and felt I understood my Father.

Heaven didn't seem so distant at it seems to so often.

Heaven is right here. It is being MADE right here.

And for a moment, or maybe a lifetime now, the doctrine of a hymn has brought peace to me and thereby my family - just because we took the time to have Family Home Evening - and because the prophets have restored the key of knowledge regarding our divine origins.

Lessons From Ether: Brother of Jared vs. Laman and Lemuel

2012-01-01T12:09:00.000-08:00

The recollection of the Tower of Babel in the Book of Ether is one of the most fascinating parts of the Book of Mormon. When people ask me what is in the Book of Mormon or what is it, I've found telling people that there is a first hand account of the Tower of Babel and the confounding of the languages usually piques a lot of curiosity as to the contents of the book. After all - it is one of the major stories where the Bible and the Book of Mormon tell the same story on a topic that most people would recognize.

The contrast between Laman and Lemuel and the Brother of Jared is stark and very illuminating.

Laman and Lemuel find out they are headed into the wilderness into the choicest land above all lands and whine and complain and try to kill their brother and tie him up for Family Home Evening and hijack a ship and beat their brother with a stick and about throw their mom and dad into the ocean and murmur the entire time while doing some rude, suggestive, gyrating dances and gesticulating with the daughters of Ishmael. They reminisce about what they could have been enjoying - never mind the fact that unbeknownst to them they would have been slaughtered at the fall of Jerusalem and would be dead before they got to do all this murmuring.

Meanwhile, Jared and the Brother of Jared (AKA Mahonri Moriancumer) find out they are to be driven out of the land, and instead begin to wonder "maybe we're headed someplace better! Maybe we could be headed to the best place of all! Ask God to lead us someplace good if he's going to do this to us!"

At the same time, the mercies of the Lord are found in both stories. While we may hold up Laman and Lemuel as examples of how not to depart into the wilderness and come back to get the family bible with its genealogy and get some girls to marry and head back into the wilderness to build a ship and escape to a different continent into the choicest land of all lands - the promises of the Lord and his mercies to them are very great, and they give me hope in my own salvation.

At the same time, the pragmatic and faithful response of Mahonri and Jared shows us that even in the midst of a decree by the Lord, blessings can be had to our benefit if we will but inquire in prayer. Truly the Book of Mormon is a testament of the mercies of the Lord to His children and a testament of His faithfulness and that He remembers his word from generation to generation and throughout all time and eternity.

A saying

2011-12-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

"Mischief" is a fun sounding word for setting one's feet on a path that is sloped and covered in grease, has very few markers to indicate how far you've traveled and ends at the gates of hell. ~ me

One for me, two for you....

2011-12-26T11:01:00.000-08:00

I first learned of the topic of plural marriage when I was a brand new convert and in the military learning my nuclear engineering training and was reading "The Work and the Glory."

I was shocked at the doctrine as it offended my Catholic sensibilities and I hadn't heard anything of it in my missionary discussions just a few months previous.

I was actually so shocked when I learned of the doctrine that there was only one thing I could do: Ask God if the doctrine was true and to explain it to me. Actually I didn't ask if the doctrine was true, I asked if the church was true because I didn't understand this. It didn't fit anything I had heard. I told Heavenly Father, "If you tell me the church is true I will believe you, if you can explain it I will listen, if you can't and I'm not ready I'm willing to wait but I need to know if the church is true in either case."

I got the answer that the church was in fact still true. An interesting thing about converting is that you don't just pray one time and call it quits, you find yourself asking that question many times over a period of years until you "know" it and remember it.

My fears calmed that the church was true, I set about trying to learn what this doctrine was all about and in time the answer came to me as I continued reading "The Work and the Glory."

As far as my answer goes? Well, I'm not going to say I'm an advocate for plural marriage. One, I can't be because it isn't in the program at this time. The prophets have decreed it. As for plural marriage after this life - well - this isn't that life - we're still monogamous here and that's all we're supposed to focus on. Jacob said it best in Jacob 2: 27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;

30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

Got it.
Great.
Amen.
That's it.
We're done discussing this.
That's it right there.

Okay....but what of the doctrine? There are in fact men who are sealed to more than one woman in this life time and who will be married to more than one wife after this life.

It might be most prudent to say simply what I said before - this isn't that life and we're here to focus on this one. But that wouldn't have answered the question I had about plural marriage in the first place - nor is it the answer the Lord gave me in helping me understand the doctrine.

On the secular side, I found that there are great advantages to the arrangement. One is that the children are always taken care of, and in many ways women are even free-er to pursue various interests in such an arrangement and many of the first female doctors and lawyers in the US arose out of such an arrangement as practiced by early LDS members.

But that's not the real issue/concern/question people have in all of this is it? I don't think I've ever heard a single person worry about the kids being taken care of or whether a wife has personal time in all the questions I've ever heard on plural marriage.

I'm not able to declare doctrine or the mind of the Lord nor discourse authoritatively on anything other than basic principles, neither am I writing this to advocate for a doctrine that isn't practiced anymore and doesn't apply to many of us. However, the comfort and understanding I found was in an answer given by Vilate Kimball on the topic. As she remarked, quite simply, the blessing of plural marriage to her was that if she could share her blessings with another sister so that she might receive those blessings of God, she would gladly do it. The issue to her wasn't about "her" so much as it was about "us" together able to receive and share the blessings of God with each other.
The other comfort was in knowing that in that world, we are more willing to help others, and the pride and envy that are so common in this world - don't exist.

The last bit of insight I was given on the topic? I was told this: "Don't worry about it, focus on where you are and not on what could be but isn't."

Indescribable Joy

2011-12-20T21:27:00.000-08:00

Heavenly Father has been on me to go to the temple lately. He told me He needed to tell me something and to come commune with Him. And so I went.

Navuoo Temple Chapel

I learned a lot while I was there - perhaps more than I ever have in a session at the temple, most of which I won't share here. But some things I will share here.

After the session, I got to see the Upper Chapel at the Portland temple today. I have never been there before. It was perhaps the single most glorious room I have ever been in in my life. I don't know why that room. I'm also particularly enamored with the Baptistry, but the Chapel.....the spirit was so strong up there. One of the temple workers even turned the lights off in the chapel so I could see the sun shine through the marble walls through the reliefs on the outside and I was able to see the sun-stones against the sun shine.

It was a magnificent experience.

Beyond that, the one thing I came away with an understanding of was the purpose of this life. I've spent a lot of time wondering what happened in the life before this or trying to see the life to come. I learned today that when you have the Holy Ghost with you your focus should be primarily on the life that is present in front of you, rather than focusing on the life left behind or the one that isn't yet. I learned - as in the Spirit bore witness to me - that the purpose of this life is to learn. God sent not His Son into the world to condemn it or us, but that through Him we might be saved. I have as many sins as anybody and they often are on my mind, but today the Savior bore witness to me that we are forgiven and can be forgiven through His atonement. So even if I think I'm doing good, I'm still falling short, and even if I think I'm not worthy to stand, He has still paid the price for me and is saying "Get up! Run! Go! Learn! Live! Come unto me!"   The whole point is to be pressing forward and if we're being humble about it and doing our best, then we're on track. I never *knew* this before. But today it gave me much peace.

During the session, a brother sat next to me. Normally I sit with a seat on either side of me so I have space. I tend to be claustrophobic because I have ADD and can't sit still and am self conscious about having someone next to me when I can't sit still well. So normally I enter the room as one of the last ones so I can sit at the back and pick a spot with a bit of space. I was almost the last but I put some space between me and the brother before me. When a younger brother came in and sat right next to me as the last one in the room. Argh! Except, I could tell he wasn't bothered by sitting next to anyone and was just here for the session and really was just paying attention to the temple.

If I have the opportunity to compliment someone, I will take it. I could tell this brother had a good countenance. He's a good man. A humble man. Unpretentious and unassuming. Just working his way through life and trying to do what's right. I finally asked him as we waited to go to the veil, "Has anyone ever told you you have a good counetenace?"

"No..."

"Well, you have a good countenance. I don't even know you but I could tell just by looking at you you're a good person who tries to do what's right and has a good heart. I can see it in you just by looking at you."

"Well....thank you..."

"No, thank you. We need better people in this world. I could have had to sit next to a little 'rain cloud' but instead I get to sit next to a ray of light in the world. Thank you for being a good person and letting your light shine so my time here was wonderful. It was just nice to be in your company. Thank you."

As he got up to leave he patted me on the shoulder, I could tell it touched him. I hope so.

After that, as I sat in the celestial room, there was a sister who was sobbing on one of the couches. Clearly she came for comfort and was just struggling so hard. She started crying, then sobbing and then it got worse and she was trying to hard to hold it together to maintain the reverence of the temple. One of the temple matrons who was sitting near her moved from one of the chairs to sit on the couch next to her and comfort her. As I sat nearby, I only heard her say one thing through her sobs "I'm so scared..."

I sat and silently prayed that she might be comforted.

I know scared. I know fear. I know tribulation. I knew pain. I know suffering. I know conflict. I know despair. I know hopelessness. I know what abandonment feels like. I know all those feelings all too well. Very well. I stood and looked at one of the paintings of the Savior and listened as she sobbed and wondered if I should talk with her. I imagined walking out but couldn't imagine living the rest of my life wondering what might have happened if I'd spoken to her, and hadn't.

Finally after several moments, I sat down next to her and she looked at me.   I said, "I know I'm just a stranger, and I know you don't know me nor do I have any idea what you're going through and I won't pretend to, but I am a veteran of the valley of sorrow, and despair, pain, suffering, tribulation and hopelessness. I would often have rather this mortal sojourn ended rather than keep living and experiencing what I've been going through. I know the valley of sorrow is deep, dark, long and even dangerous if you stay there too long. But I've been in it for so long my eyes have adjusted somewhat to the light and I can see a bit better down here than I used to." I smiled a bit to let her know that was a bit of humor.

She smiled the slightest bit through her tears - just enough to lesson her crying. I continued.

"Again, I know I don't know what you're going through, but I can tell you this, He does hear you, He is with you, He loves you."

I could feel the spirit at this point becoming incredibly strong and testifying to what I was saying and I continued. "When this is over whatever it may be, you are going to look back and see blessings you didn't see while you were going through it. When it is completely over, you will thank your Heavenly Father for blessing you with this experience. I testify He hears you and loves you and is blessing you and carrying you right now. You are going to make it and you are blessed despite however hard it may look. I've been over here praying for you as a stranger hoping you can feel this and know it but I testify, He is mindful of us and knows your prayers and you will make it. He is hearing your prayers and He wants you to know that. He loves you."

She smiled and choked out a "thank you." I patted her arm and got up to let her have some more quiet.

As I stood up, I wondered if this is why I was told to come to the temple. As I wondered, the Spirit rested upon me so strongly, and began to fill me with a joy that I have never ever felt before, it began to grow and grow until it became so strong it began to overpower my frame. I began to actually be overpowered with joy. As I walked I started to actually collapse with joy to where I could not stand.

Just a few weeks ago as a family we had read the story of Lamoni and Ammon being overpowered with the spirit and so much Joy. I wondered if it was possible at the time, but today it actually happened to me. I literally was collapsing with joy. I can't say that is the only reason I was sent to the temple today nor do I know that it was *the* reason, but I do know if we can comfort those who stand in need of comfort - we are blessed.

As I walked out of the temple with an older brother, I got hit in the face with the smack of winter weather and dead leaves and the drab blah that accompanies winter in this part of the world. As we left that heavenly place, I remarked to the brother, "Back out into the lone and dreary wilderness, eh?"   He laughed and smiled.

I love the temple and I'm grateful there's one just a bit down the road from me and I'm grateful that I can open my mouth and share a bit of light with the people around me when I can. Today was one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had in the temple and I can't wait to go again and I'm grateful that my Father in Heaven told me to come and loves me enough to forgive me of my sins so that I can enter someplace like the temple.

Jesus Lord at Thy Birth

2011-12-18T22:55:00.000-08:00

This Christmas season, as I was listening to a Christmas carol and as I perused Abraham 3:24-25 - a thought occurred to me: Jesus Christ is the one being who wasn't sent down here to "See if he would do all things the Lord commanded Him."

There was no "See if."

He came simply to "do."

He wasn't "Lord after the completion of the atonement."

He was "Lord at (His) birth."

An infant who's head needed to be cradled was the King of Kings even then.

When we consider that he simply came to do that work, and simply did it, we can also consider our own callings and our own works. As we were sent here to see if we can do the things of the Lord - we may as well prove ourselves and simply do them! Simply go to work and be who we were meant to be and do what we were meant to do.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Sins

2011-12-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

Repentence is a universal requirement for mankind. Unless you die before the age of accountability, aren't accountable at all, grow up during the millennium or are Jesus Christ, you're going to need to be acquainted with sin and need to repent.

To many of us, repentance carries a negative connotation. To the forgiven, repentance is the gift of gifts.

Often in the church we talk about our Favorite Sins. Those ones that are hard to let go of. The ones hard to set aside. The ones we love to indulge in. The ones we even turn to for comfort.

I have more than a few of those myself accumulated over a life of mortality.

However, as life progresses on its marvelous journey guided by the hand of the Savior Himself, we will all come to a point - a time or reckoning - sooner or later - when we will have to choose between the Savior or our sins.

Ammon and King Lamoni

If you're like me, you've probably wondered if it can possibly be true - if we can truly repent of our sins - and take comfort in the Lord instead of the things of the world. If you're like me, you've probably wondered how you would survive without your favorite sins and perhaps even have some plausible explanations for their necessity that almost makes them socially acceptable. I wondered not only if I could do without them as well as I wondered if I could leave them behind.

I testify that we can and that joy is true. It takes a leap of faith and an act of trust to do so, but I testify it is possible and that you can and will be rewarded. And such wondrous joy that has filled my heart is indescribable by me. As I read the story of King Lamoni and his Queen and Ammon being filled with wondrous joy that overpowered their frames, I wondered if it was possible to feel such joy. I am a member of the church now of 18 years (and 4 days) and despite my tenure, I wondered if it was possible.

I am happy to say that I have found that the joy was true. Not only will you find the joy from having succeeded and triumphed over life's pitfalls and your own shortcomings, you will not have the desire to return to where you were. And that last part? The part about not desiring to return? That is the miracle.

Some things we may struggle with for months. Others for years. Others for decades. And others still for a lifetime. The point is that we continue to struggle until we triumph. It might be easy to give up and just say "this is who I am." But if we do that, we will never know the joy that comes with finally triumphing over our weakness.

Number Symbolism in the Book of Revelation

2011-12-11T23:44:00.000-08:00

Just for fun:

1 = Unity / God

3 = God / Godhead

4 = Man, Earth

6 = Imperfect, "false perfection", Perfection - God = Imperfect, ( 7 -1= 6)

7 = Perfection, perfect ,Man + God = Perfection, ( 4 + 3 = 7)

10 = Numerical perfection, well organized (Rev 13:1)

12 = Divine government, God's organization (JST 5:6)

40 = Literal, but frequently used to denote "a long time"

Repentence

2011-12-11T23:19:00.000-08:00

3 Nephi 27: 27 And know ye that ye shall be judges of this people, according to the judgment which I shall give unto you, which shall be just. Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.

Repentance is easier with the Lord than without the Lord.

Before I was baptized, I heard the voice of the adversary telling me not to be baptized. I was told that it was a disparaging thing to do to Jesus by heaping my sins upon Him. That if I truly loved Him I would repent and THEN be baptized. That I shouldn't approach Him with my filthiness.

However plausible an argument this sounds like, it is nefarious in its scheme. We cannot truly repent without the Savior. We need his guidance so that we can become like Him. This requires us to draw near Him so we can emulate Him. This is akin to asking us to learn a task from a master of an art without being in the presence of the master of the art.

Further, we need to be guided by the Holy Spirit in this endeavor - we cannot learn of the things of godliness without the presence and influence of God near or in our lives.

Becoming like God is easier when we're near God than when we're far away, when we're drawing near than staying away.

In order to make this possible, this is the condescension of God - to take His pure, holy, perfect self and come down and let imperfect, unclean, impure beings draw near to Him that they might have His life.

We cannot think that we will repent and THEN turn to God. No. It doesn't work that way. Repenting is turning to God. Is drawing near to Him. Is learning from Him. Is receiving Him.

True repentance is only possible with God and cannot be done without Him by ourselves.

Thoughts on Helaman 5:24 - Daniel in the Lion's Den and the Seeds of Faith

2011-12-09T21:37:00.000-08:00

23 And it came to pass that Nephi and Lehi were encircled about as if by fire, even insomuch that they durst not lay their hands upon them for fear lest they should be burned. Nevertheless, Nephi and Lehi were not burned; and they were as standing in the midst of fire and were not burned.

24 And when they saw that they were encircled about with a pillar of fire, and that it burned them not, their hearts did take courage.

It is interesting to me that here we have two prophets of the Lord, Nephi and Lehi who have KNOWN the goodness and mercy and works of the Lord, and yet even they weren't certain what fate would await them. They didn't know they were going to be protected by fire. They saw that they were protected by fire and that they weren't burned and THEN their hearts took courage.

leap of faith

The Lord always tests our faith. It is not until the trial of our faith that we receive a witness that our faith has been true. And yet, here we even have the servants of the Lord uncertain of their fate standing in harm's way to fulfill their duty - perhaps like Ether who said "Whether it be that I am translated or suffer the will of the Lord in the flesh, it mattereth not if it so be that I am saved in the kingdom of the Lord."

Even they - the prophets of the Lord - their faith was tested. They are treated no differently than any of us in our daily ministrations and tasks just because they are the prophets. Much like Joseph Smith and his companions, they were left to rely on the Lord for their lives.

I've had hundreds if not thousands of occasions in my personal/professional life where my physical existence was threatened and I said, "Okay Lord, I'm going in, I put my life in your hands." I didn't know if I was coming home alive. Believe it or not, one of the scariest such incidences was not in the military but on my mission. I refused to let the presence of large dogs in a yard keep me from teaching people and would often pre-empt going into "hostile territory" with "Well....Daniel in the lion's den, here we go.....I hope this works!" and volunteer to go if my companions didn't want to go. The work was too important to let the threat of a dog keep me from doing it.

After rattling the fence and nothing happening, I went in the yard and "stealthed" to the front door and rang the door bell. As I waited, the world's largest ever rottweiler came around the corner of the house slowly, and began sniffing at my feet and worked his way up my pants legs to my nether-regions and looked up at me - not quite friendly-like. This could potentially have a bad ending. I froze. I looked over at my companion, the same one who didn't save me when I got attacked by a crazy guy a few weeks previous, and he stood at the fence. Mouth agape. Eyes the size of saucers. Doing nothing. Not wanting to draw attention to himself. Waiting and watching for me about to be killed.

I knew how to kill a dog, I learned that in the military when I worked K-9 with the military police. Unfortunately it doesn't work on a dog as big as a rottweiler. I was about to get it - I knew it. I could feel it, this was about to go south if I didn't do this right. I started calculating trajectories over the fence and realized I couldn't make it. I was a goner and I was going to lose if this went south and it was about to go south.

Suddenly, without warning, the door opened. The owner looked at me, looked at the dog, looked at my companion, looked back at me (my eyes were still on the dog even though I was looking right at the owner) and then looked surprised. He spoke first. "Um....I'm kind of surprised. Nobody's ever gotten to my front door before with him here like you just did. Nobody. You should've been torn up by now. Dead actually. Why don't you boys come on in for a few?"

In so many ways, that moment of truth is so much easier than the day to day faith that gets you through life.The end comes or it doesn't. You survive or you don't. It is the prolonged waiting and suspense that's the hardest. That wondering for days, weeks, months and sometimes even hours on end is the hardest.

If you're like me you want to know the end from the beginning and you want to know it right now. It's soooo easy to forget all the ways you have been sustained prior to this and yet wonder if the Lord will let you hang this time or if he's going to save you again. And yet, perhaps we should be like Ether in those times and come to truly believe it doesn't matter.

Even the prophets Nephi and Lehi didn't expect the miracle they got and they were willing to lay it on the line to finish their mission.

Perhaps that's the universal nature of faith - no matter our station or calling - we are blessed after the trial of our faith, and even the prophets are growing in their faith in their tribulations and callings just as we are.

Just a thought.

Why Me? Life isn't fair! Well....actually.....

2011-12-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

My wife has a debilitating disability that is increasingly leaving her helpless in our world. Were it not for technological advancements, our fate as a family would have been grim indeed at this point.

So it is whenever my children bring up that "its not fair!" I point out the fact that life isn't fair and point to mommy's disability as an example.

With plenty of time to think about it, I've discovered that life is in fact very fair but it is mankind's notion of fairness that it flawed - not the plan of life itself.

If you're like me, you've seen someone go past with a bunch of money in one form or another and coveted their wealth, or thought "if only I had....(fill in the blank) THEN everything would be perfect!"

I've been hit with so many difficulties in life again and again lately that it has become impossible to forget the fact that we were sent here to experience tribulation first hand.

But through it I've come to realize that each of us has a specific mission to complete in this life, many of which would actually be interfered with by wealth. We all have different talents and abilities. We can see that not only has our Father in Heaven blessed us according to our needs, purpose and abilities specifically tailored to us - and that we can ask for help at any time through prayer - life is very fair.

More than fair.

It is bountifully perfect for us and given to us by an all-knowing God who knows our end from our beginning and the course we wished to set in this life and eternally.

If we went by man's insights as to what is fair and what isn't - much of our eternal progression would be effectively halted in this world! It isn't important for us to be equal in so many ways nor is it even necessary and in many cases it is undesirable. Even more, it has been designed that we wouldn't be. If we all had the same weaknesses and talents - we would all get stuck in the same pit!

All this in mind, whenever we ask the question amidst our tribulations "Why me?" the answer is: "Because you have a specific mission on this earth to complete and talents you need to use or discover along with lessons you need to learn specific to you. You have people you need to touch. You have experience to gain. You agreed to them before you came here and looked forward to them and your father in heaven has provided a way for you to accomplish them and now - you're going through them. That's why you. Now - get to work! Go fulfill your mission!"

US.....

2011-12-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

Mason

This week has been pretty horrific for my wife while wonderful at the same time.

Last Sunday, our son, Mason, decided to be born. He's a real cutie!

However, with Jen's muscular dystrophy, she opted to have a C-section because she has to sit so much with her muscular dystrophy and not being able to stand to get around and having to sit on her "war wounds" from giving birth - a C-section was the way to go.

Unfortunately, with a C-section they take your innards out and put them back in after they stitch things up. And....despite the best efforts they don't always go back the same way they came out. This caused some massive problems with Jen's insides not working properly anymore and her swelling up to where things had to be removed via some uncomfortable tubes.

At any rate, getting those tubes where they needed to be was traumatic, painful and - well...horrific. But after a few days she began to regain some normalcy. For a while there - well - this entire time I had a feeling something was going to happen with this pregnancy to where I might lose my wife - or something was going to not go right with it either after it or long term. In addition to managing the "controlled crash" that is Muscular Dystrophy in terms of an ongoing and continued decline in performance, this just hasn't been fun meanwhile I looked forward with uncertainty to the birth of my son.

Interestingly though, Jen's struggles are quite easily seen. She's in a wheelchair. She needs a lot of help. My struggles aren't so visible.

Thank goodness we have a friend who's helping us - in the meantime I feel like I've been facing death - or should I say I have been? - for the past 8 months or so and then all this and I'm just going under trying to hang on to the gospel and be level headed for my children.

The relief society is wonderful - you really just get out of their way and let them go to work! But in it all - I'm exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally - and I so often feel so invisible in so many things just because my struggles aren't as obvious. Not that I want anything, just...people respond more to my wife as I suppose is natural and people should. People always ask how she is. People don't ask how I am really ever in regards to this though I'm not sure what I would say - that's a can of worms I try to keep a lid on and work to be positive about.

As I was thinking on this as this has been the state of affairs this entire time she's been struggling with muscular dystrophy - and it will continue to be until the end - a thought occurred to me: the one person who I need to see it does: my wife.

I'm not alone.

No.

This isn't about her.

It isn't about me.

It's about us.

If I can support her through this, and she can support me - then well....what else do we need? I don't know if that's enough, but I know it should be or is supposed to be. God doesn't always give us what we want but what we need. Much like the military, "if you needed that we'd have issued you one of those (wife, girlfriend, pocket knife, chap-stick, radio - whatever)."

I glanced up from working on my son's bassinet I was building and saw the picture of the Savior in the front room as well.

No....even when we're alone we are not alone. The Savior relied on His Father to be His companion - perhaps we should too.

A Letter From God....

2011-11-29T17:13:00.000-08:00

As I struggle to receive answers from Heaven, I've found myself wishing for something more tangibleto communicate with Heavenly Father with. Something other than words said aloud and hoping they are heard across the vastness of God's creations. Something like yahoo chat (Yahweh chat?) or email or....just something more substantial than saying words in my heart - most especially when I'm stressed.

Desperate in a moment of stress when just praying and focusing wasn't working, I started actually writing a letter to God.

I sent it in my email to another email address of mine.

And when I got done?

I felt impressed to write a reply from Him to me as I felt Him replying. And so I did.

The process of writing the reply to me was just like giving a blessing and receiving revelation and putting it into words for someone by the authority of the priesthood - except I wasn't doing it for someone else and I was writing. After all, Joseph Smith wrote the revelations of the Lord into the Doctrine and Covenants, many were from the Lord to him (D&C 121 - 122 for example). Perhaps I could do the same in prayer! I do have the gift of revelation after all. I decided to try and followed the prompting.

I carefully paid attention to what I felt coming to me and made sure the words and nuance was right and wrote down what was given to me. I wrote for quite some time and was surprised at the things that came to me. It covered everything from what I was currently thinking of to things I'd forgotten about or things that were close to my heart but lost in the moment.

But when it was over? I had a letter from the Lord. He gave me what I wanted and felt I needed - a tangible gift from Heaven of instruction and inspiration. And I could read it again and again. I know it was from Him and that it is inspired.

I know that God lives and that He can, does and will bless us with the things we feel we need if we pay attention to the promptings of the spirit - including even giving us a letter when we need it.

Matthew's Book: The Beginning from the End...

2011-11-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

Matthew's Book is a collection of thoughts, inspiration, insight and lessons I've learned in my life that I want to pass to my children.

While the Lord knows the end from the beginning, if we knew the same - would the end and the beginning be the same or be fulfilled? I believe it is a wise Heavenly Father who withholds certain things from our knowledge in requiring us to walk forward by faith, one footstep at a time that we may learn what we need to and achieve what we can in order to make the beginning from the end.

We can know the end from the beginning, but I have come to believe it is a gift and best for us if we experience and see it first-hand one step at a time.

Ave Maria - Catholicism and Mormonism Contrasted

2011-11-24T23:46:00.000-08:00

I wasn't always LDS (Mormon) - I grew up Catholic. Despite my conversion to the LDS faith, I have a great respect and love for the Catholic faith as that's where my faith in God began and where I first learned of Christ.

In terms of structure, the Catholic Faith is closer to Mormonism than the protestant religions. Catholicism prepared me well for the doctrine of temples, the concepts of authority and structure in the church as well as the concepts of geographical responsibility (Catholic = Parish; LDS = Ward/Stake/Mission) and most notably taught me patience as there are the 'mysteries' in Catholicism - which prepared me to have patience in learning the doctrines of the gospel.

At any rate, it wasn't until after I converted to the LDS faith that I began to see just how beautiful the Catholic faith is in its missals and prayers and the things we were to contemplate. Doctrines left over from the days of Christ haven't been completely lost - there is much that is still there.

Here is one of the most beautiful Catholic prayers set to music - Ave Maria, and following is the translation.

While Ave Maria is Latin for "Hail Mary" - this isn't the actual Hail Mary prayer but a German poem that simply begins with the line "Ave Maria" (Hail Mary).

The Catholic practice of praying to saints is a variant of our doctrine of talking to our Bishop who might pray on our behalf - figuring that Mary is closer to the Lord than we are down here. At any rate, here is Ave Maria in English and German.

Ave Maria! maiden mild!
Listen to a maiden's prayer!
Thou canst hear though from the wild,
Thou canst save amid despair.
Safe may we sleep beneath thy care,
Though banish'd, outcast and reviled -
Maiden! hear a maiden's prayer;
Mother, hear a suppliant child!
Ave Maria!

Ave Maria! undefiled!
The flinty couch we now must share
Shall seem this down of eider piled,
If thy protection hover there.
The murky cavern's heavy air
Shall breathe of balm if thou hast smiled;
Then, Maiden! hear a maiden's prayer;
Mother, list a suppliant child!
Ave Maria!

Ave Maria! stainless styled!
Foul demons of the earth and air,
From this their wonted haunt exiled,
Shall flee before thy presence fair.
We bow us to our lot of care,
Beneath thy guidance reconciled;
Hear for a maid a maiden's prayer,
And for a father hear a child!
Ave Maria!

Now in German as you hear it in the song:

Ave Maria! Jungfrau mild,
Erhöre einer Jungfrau Flehen,
Aus diesem Felsen starr und wild
Soll mein Gebet zu dir hinwehen.
Wir schlafen sicher bis zum Morgen,
Ob Menschen noch so grausam sind.
O Jungfrau, sieh der Jungfrau Sorgen,
O Mutter, hör ein bittend Kind!
Ave Maria!
Ave Maria! Unbefleckt!
Wenn wir auf diesen Fels hinsinken
Zum Schlaf, und uns dein Schutz bedeckt
Wird weich der harte Fels uns dünken.
Du lächelst, Rosendüfte wehen
In dieser dumpfen Felsenkluft,
O Mutter, höre Kindes Flehen,
O Jungfrau, eine Jungfrau ruft!
Ave Maria!
Ave Maria! Reine Magd!
Der Erde und der Luft Dämonen,
Von deines Auges Huld verjagt,
Sie können hier nicht bei uns wohnen,
Wir woll'n uns still dem Schicksal beugen,
Da uns dein heil'ger Trost anweht;
Der Jungfrau wolle hold dich neigen,
Dem Kind, das für den Vater fleht.
Ave Maria!

Matthew's Book

2011-11-22T15:05:00.000-08:00

Matthew's Book is a book I am writing to my children of life's lessons I learned the hard way or want to pass on to them - this is the latest entry:

Failure is something we all have to learn about sooner or later. Taking a pragmatic and optimistic view can turn a failure into a success if you will let it. After working for the number one companies in their fields for most of my life, I had my very first and VERY negative experience working with a company that turned out to be a failure. I was the best supervisor they ever had or had ever seen (and dare I say would ever again get under the current structure? ;) Despite my massive successes, I got thrown to the wolves so to speak, was investigated, fired and retaliated against for making an honest effort to fix things and...It turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life and in my growth and development.

I ended up learning some humility for starters. I learned to temper my idealistic values with a sense of realism. I gained a better sense of what I want in a company I work for. I learned better how certain situations can go completely negative and when to cut my losses and what my role in those situations is. I learned what I'm willing to endure and what is "worth it" to me and what is not.

But above all I had one most poignant epiphany: there comes a time when a person has to realize that they may not be able to demonstrate that they were right after they have been wronged. You may just have to be content with knowing you were right - and in many cases for personal integrity - that's enough and all that is needed. Don't place too much of an emphasis on what others think of you. As Polonius in Shakespear's Hamlet said, "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." If you do what is right, and you know you did what is right, there will in time be those who recognize this and you will find yourself again justified in the world and comforted in society. Be patient. Be confident. Be secure. Be yourself.

Out of failure I came out a richer and a wiser man, father and husband.

In the beginning....

2011-11-21T23:45:00.000-08:00

In the beginning God created earth and rested.

Then God created man and rested.

Then God created woman.

Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Family Home Evening Planning

2011-11-21T09:28:00.000-08:00

Family Home Evening is turning into quite the success in our home. Ever since I made the Family Home Evening planner out of wood one day and threw it up on the wall (The back is held to the wall with pop-can tabs!) now, it is right where we pass by it and everyone can see it.

We talk in the church about how important family home evening is, but now with the planner - it gives everyone a week to look forward to it and plan it - and boy - our kids are just driving it!

Tonight? We're playing Lego Batman on the Play Station per our son. My daughter's spent the past week thumbing through the hymn book looking over hymns excited to pick one. I've got a lesson (my first time doing the lesson on the planner) and I don't know what I'm going to teach on. Perhaps on temple work. Maybe on temples. Next week is my turn to plan the activity - and we're having the baby next Friday. Last time for an activity we cleaned the van at the pressure washer. No idea what I'm going to do next time.

At any rate, this little planner has taken a life of its own! Loving it!

Communing With the Lord, Prayer and Inspiration

2011-11-20T20:03:00.000-08:00

I remember from a priesthood manual a picture of Spencer W. Kimball walking with a long coat, holding his scriptures in the snow.

I remember him talking about going for walks and taking that time to commune with the Lord.

I've now begun that practice myself. I have found that when I head out for a walk by myself or just by going down to a river that I have a lot of success communing with the Lord. I found that my mind is clearer, the whisperings of the spirit are more discernible, and I am able to receive answers much faster.

I do try to say my prayers as soon as I wake up, though I confess it is hard to not immediately be distracted by the concerns of the day and just go heading off into them. On my mission we were supposed to pray upon waking, though more often than not I found myself dozing in my prayers as I drooled on the side of my bed.

Now, however, when I have a pressing concern or just need a break - I go for a walk through the neighborhood and commune with the Lord. I've found much solace in doing this.

It is more productive than when I am merely on my knees because I feel like I need to be up and going - however when I go for a walk or go somewhere to pray outside, I feel like I've already "gone" and am going, so I can focus on my prayers more. Not only that, I keep praying until I get back! So I find I can easily pray for a half hour, hour or more if needs be on an outing.

Need to commune with the Lord but are having a hard time setting aside time? Go for a walk.

Home Teaching Ideas

2011-11-13T17:00:00.000-08:00

Home teaching. That thing you get nagged about every month by your Elder's Quorum President.

But what can we do beyond just going home teaching?

I have an idea for moving an entire EQ towards full teaching

First for 3 months - focus on finding all the inactives/unknowns. Do the regular visits - but focus on getting everyone found and find out who wants teachers and who doesn't.

Next 3 months - get your home teaching families hooked up on www.lds.org so they can have contact with the church and know how to get ahold of their leaders. This is to help them become more independent and able to access ward calendars and such. Also, get Ensign and New Era and Friend Subscriptions as appropriate - so even if you miss a month - that shows up in your place.

Next 3 months - focus on connecting families to their groups or activities - i.e. young men, scouts, young women, relief society and as appropriate. Also focus on getting them to church or inviting them to an activity.

Next 3 months, focus on getting part-member families taught by the missionaries and taking the discussions.

In all this, notice on your home teaching routes when people have birthdays. Remember their birthdays!

I recently tuned my home-teaching family's computer up and got it running at 95% faster than it had been operating for them - the work I did was a few hundred dollars in service repairs for free.

We also were able to give a blessing with a family member that was quite memorable when my 1 ounce vial of oil exploded on the father's head. We call him the Anointed One now.

We've got their son taking missionary discussions and got him going into Boy Scouts now and involved with the dad.

We bake cookies and fill cards with confetti so they remember us after we leave. There's so much to do. But I believe our home teaching families are given to us just as much for us as for them - to be a friend - and to be able to be blessed.

Just a thought.

Suffer The Children To Come Unto Me.....

2011-11-11T08:59:00.000-08:00

There's a great deal of discord among the Christian denominations as to the role of the gospel towards children.

Some religions baptize in infancy, others at age 8, others at 13, others shush the kids and think services are for adults, and on and on.

One of the points of doctrine of the LDS church that many non-members struggle with is children not going into the temple - not needing to - not being allowed to. After all, if the endowment is so important, shouldn't our children receive those blessings as well? As I listened to my daughter singing "I love to see the temple, I'm going there someday" in the bathroom this morning, a bit of revelation occurred to me:

Doctrine and Covenants 88:33

33 For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift.

Little children are holy before the Lord. They aren't even able to be tempted by the adversary until their accountable age, and not on many other things until later in life. Many of the things adults struggle with, children don't. The endowment requires a degree of cognizance and accountability before the Lord across a wide range of life circumstances that often appear later in life. Given that the Lord does NOTHING without a purpose, the giving of the endowment to children would not be in keeping with the operations and methodology of the Lord. If anything, the giving of the endowment at a later stage in life is a testament to the completeness of the gospel in that the Lord gives us according to our need and circumstances!

But shouldn't we do it just to be safe?

Oh ye of little faith! If the Lord was into doing things "just to be safe" rather than having faith, Christ would have atoned for the sins of mankind immediately after the fall of Adam and Eve if not before. If the Lord doesn't give a commandment on a topic, we needn't worry.

Personal Motto....

2011-11-09T11:19:00.000-08:00

My personal motto for much of my life has been "No Regrets." As in - Don't do anything you'd regret, and don't leave anything undone you'd regret not having done.

Sounds great! LOFTY! Bold! And it was.

Only trouble is, there are temptations that I might think "OH! I'm never gonna get this chance again!" and so I do something I shouldn't under the auspices of fulfilling my motto and it led me into trouble. Not the motto itsself, just the mentality. There are temptations like that you know - I KNOW you know. That or you're fooling yourself cuz you ain't fooling me!

So now I think I'm going to change my motto to "Keep the commandments" or "Look to God." I do, however, think it....interesting that when I see pictures of the Ten Commandments, they are numbered in Roman numerals - rather than Hebrew......the Romans were conquerors of the Jews and hated by them but still today the Roman numerals persist.

Family Home Evening Ideas

2011-11-08T10:19:00.000-08:00

I recently made a Family Home Evening Planner. It was a quick piece of woodwork, nothing fancy. Just whipped it out without a real plan and kind of in a hurry with a saw, a drill and a woodburner and some glue. Mom made the name tags.

The kids LOVE family home evening now. They are excited to plan activities and the likes. Its a big deal when they get to plan the activities and find out who's doing what. When family home evening gets forgotten, the little planner keeps us on track. Interesting not, I hung it on the wall using pop-can tabs.

Last night, Rachel planned us painting t-shirts. I'd have never thought of this for an activity! Having them plan activities is working pretty darned well. So mom and I got some dollar t-shirts at the dollar store and some dollar fabric paint and dollar brushes. We also got 2 infant onesies for her and I to color for the baby who's on his way in ~3 weeks. I was responsible for the snack - so I bought some desserts from India from a local Indian store. That was a pretty intense dessert - I don't remember what it was called except it tasted cinnamon-y and like sweet almonds and was flaky and like blocks of cotton candy.

So I made a onesie that said "#2 son #3 child # 1 surprise!" with little hearts around it. Mom drew a baby Donald Duck on hers.

Mom's lesson was on things to know to care for a baby and what it is going to be like when he gets here for the two little ones with us - it was really good!

The other benefit of having the little FHE planner like that the kids are learning to PLAN a lesson or activity. Beyond that, for me as a dad, it gives me time to be inspired as to lessons and the like we may need to go over as a family. Honestly my favorite thing about the planner is that we don't lose track of FHE and it has some substance to it now - and then that the kids are enjoying planning and coming up with their own ideas.

I'm on the...top of the.....

2011-11-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

Genealogy & Temple Work: Between Heaven and Earth

2011-10-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

Being a convert to the church, I'm naturally drawn to my family history.

I just finished an extensive five-part presentation on genealogy for my stake. I wasn't asked to do it except by the Spirit.

I've switched from PAF to Legacy software for doing temple work and - that software is AMAZING. $29 gets you the software. It lets you check and compare work in so many ways it's not even funny. I haven't even begun exploring the features of it it's so versatile and yet easy to use!

Anyways, I've been submitting beacoup names to the temple through research. I've gotten to see on New Family Search that the names I've submitted are being done in the Philippines, in Ecuador, Georgia, London and other places.

I hadn't thought of it before, but in doing genealogy you're serving the rest of the church as well. By doing genealogy, you're making it possible for others to go to the temple to do vicarious work for others in addition to serving your ancestors.

But a few things came to my mind in doing genealogy:

One is when you submit your family history, you are directing the Lord's priesthood around and using His house through your work. This in mind, it would behoove you to make sure you get the info you submit correct so you don't waste the Lord's time and resources unnecessarily with incorrect names and repetitive work.

In any case, through family history ,I've found a great love serving the saints around the world through submitting temple work so they can do the work. I'm grateful my Father in heaven for allowing us to participate in this work. It really is remarkable to think that without people doing the work of genealogy, the work of the temples stop.

But more than that, I've come to realize that the temples are the gateways between Heaven and earth - between mortality and through the veil. They have a very special mission - they represent the purpose for which this world was made: to bring men to God - here and hereafter.

Just a thought.

come come ye saints....

2011-10-25T00:43:00.000-07:00

posted for a friend who is in the refiners fire and has been left to stand on her own for now and who is proving faithful and who *is* standing.....one of my most inspirational hymns....

Mission Memories: Companionships and Marriage....

2011-10-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

As you know, missionaries in the mission field don't get to choose their companions.

The Mission President prayerfully considers who should go with who and calls you and asks if you'll accept a calling from the Lord, and you say yes (otherwise, why be on a mission?) and he calls you to serve somewhere with a companion.

Companions are an interesting feature of the mission field. I think in addition to the work of the Lord they are the best part.

My companions were as Follows,

MCT: Elder Cole; Baton Rouge: Trainer - Elder Keyes (eyes with a K), Greenie-breaker - Elder Fenn, ; Elder Boston; New Orleans: Elder McAlister, Elder Williams; La Place: Elder Loertscher (Lurcher), Elder Wry; De Ridder: greenie - Elder Jensen, Elder Edwards and Walker Louisiana, Elder Scott.

Obviously we didn't always get along. Out of ten companionships, I *really* struggled with one, two were hard, one was difficult, and the rest of them I think I was the one who was hard to get along with.

At any rate, companionships are an interesting dynamic because you all have various weaknesses and strengths and the one choice you have in the relationships is whether you're going to make it work or not - whether your committed to the mission and goal of the relationship or not.

In the end, that's really all that matters.

You will both inspire each other, lift each other, struggle with each other, stand beside each other, work together, laugh together and even cry together.

Amazingly, a mission companionship is a template for marriage as well. You have less freedom in a companionship than you do a marriage actually. Be within sight and sound 24/7 for months on end? Even husbands and wives take a break from each other or go outside when they are steamed at each other.

But even in marriages where we might think that we are a poor match for each other, what matters is whether your committed to the relationship - the mission - or not. A husband and wife both bring different dynamics to the table, but just like missionary companions who find how they work together best and openly and honestly communicate - so is it in marriage.

Some things you won't get to choose in your marriage - just like you don't get to choose in your companionship. But the choice is yours whether you're committed to the relationship.

I did get so mad at one companion I almost walked off my mission. It happens to everyone I think. I was being broken. But my goal with my mission was to never get emergency transferred and to finish with honor. This in mind, I think if our goal is the same with our marriages, we will be allright. It does take two to make it work, and only one to wreck it, but when both are faced with the same issue - how to make this work - and have the same goal - to make it work - then anything's possible!

Successful companionships and relationships aren't found - they are made.

Just a thought from my mission.

It's just a phase...

2011-10-17T15:18:00.000-07:00

In relationships it seems, there's always an aspect of our past that we're the least proud of to share with our significant other. A part of us we wish we could keep hidden from the world. A part that we feel "needs explanation" or that we'd rather people just didn't look at.

Be it a taste in music, friends, activities, or even how we dressed or saw ourselves, or even our understanding of the world and how it works or who we are or others are we are forever primping ourselves before the world and in relationships, growing and learning. I don't know that we'll ever hit that perfect moment where we are truly our "best selves" with no further changes needed.

We might explain it in passing to friends, "I was going through a phase."

The childhood phase. The young adult phase. The middle aged phase. The reclining years phase.

What's "cool" in one phase, may not be cool in another no matter how much you have it together.

Little kids consider themselves to be big kids because they don't play with baby toys anymore. Older kids consider themselves "grown up" and "not a little kid anymore" because they have a cell phone. We think we're all grown up when we finally have children, and when we have additional children we see the mistakes we made with the first one. I remember with our first child feeling exasperated and wondering how I was ever going to keep up with parenting and married life and work. Now with two children, one on the way and a disability at home, I manage much better than I did.

Older couples smile at the younger couples with knowing glances as the young couple's two year old melts-down in the produce aisle. I even see couples arguing in the store over some selfish and foolish situation, the husband unwilling to listening and the wife unwilling to consider another point of view - both blaming each other - and then I remember that I was once the same.   I hear parents exasperated with their little children in the store and realize from experience they are fighting a losing battle and its best to just let the little one have their way because they aren't going to get it.

It was just a phase.   Or two. Or three. Or a hundred. It's all just a phase.

Or perhaps, life its self is a phase.

I don't know that we came here to be our best selves, but perhaps we came here to become our best selves.

Maybe, in a sense, while we struggle and stumble and trip through mortal life with its million shocks to our flesh, we are at our best in that we are struggling against so many things at once and still pressing forward. Our bodies. The chaos of mortality. Uncertainty. Limited information. Yet we still do our best trying to assimilate it all and accomplish our missions in this life.

And then at some time unknown to us in the future, the time runs out.   Life is over.

We don't get to "explain" anymore. We can't. People left behind and those to come will come to know or remember us off their limited information on what we were struggling with as we went through our phase called life.

But the one person who will be judging us in it all has already been here before us and gone on ahead of us - a kind and loving heavenly Father who understands more than we do the phases we all go through. And while we may feel the need to explain, or wish nobody would look at certain aspects of our lives, perhaps then He will be the one to say to us, "It was just a phase" and allow us to move on to finish being and becoming our best selves.

Prepare to meet God...

2011-10-16T01:28:00.000-07:00

Mission Memories: I've seen the impossible done....

2011-10-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

(This is a long story but well worth the read).

While serving in Baton Rouge on my mission, my companions and I covered the hood, the ghetto, the projects - call it what you will.

Having come from a military police background, as I enlisted in the Navy the same week I was baptized and had been in Military Law Enforcement for some years before serving a mission, being in the hood wasn't all that comfortable to me. I could feel people looking at me and with the paranoia typical of veteran police status, I always felt like I was on edge. At one point I had to ask Elder Keyes for a blessing to help me cope with the hood.

At any rate, after several months I got used to everyone wanting to be saved. But the problem was, people had this thinking that somehow I was supposed to do it for them.   So often we'd have people desperate to be saved, and ask us to come by and when we'd get there....poof! They wouldn't be there.

So it was one day riding through the hood, a black man shouts at us from the balcony of a complex in the hood and stops us.

He tells us, "My name's Michael. I need help. I'm drunk all the time, I'm high all the time, I'm living a homosexual lifestyle, I'm HIV positive....I gotta get right with God.   I see you guys riding through here when no white boys would ever come through here, and been seeing you for years. You're the only ones here after dark, on the weekends, on the holidays, and on the weekdays. You know something I don't know. And I need to know what it is. You guys come to my place, I'll have water for you, soda, whatever you like, when can you be here?"

Yah yah yah. Heard it all before, we will see, but we'll be there. We agreed to a time and set a time to come back.

At the time of the appointment, we got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. Well....in a Wal Mart Parking Lot....in the middle of nowhere. But, guess what? Elder Fenn had presta valves on his bike tubes, they had no tubes in our size and no pumps that would pump up a presta valve, and were out of patches and we were a good 15 miles from our appointment and we didn't have a cell phone (they weren't allowed yet) and no way to call Michael.

The tire situation resolved itsself but not until after we missed the apointment and actually forgot about it.

Later while riding through the hood some time later, a black man shouted at us from the balcony asking where we were for our appointment. What? Oh my gosh! We'd spaced our appointment! Michael asked if we could come over right now.

We went to Michael's apartment.
I looked around. White suede couches, suede chairs, entertainment centers, you name it. Clean. Fully stocked.

This was a nice place.

Real nice.

Too nice.

Way too nice for the hood.

I told Michael, "This is a nice place! What do you do for a living?"

"Oh, father Millican, why you gotta ask me that?"

I'm kinda dense at times.

"Why....seriously? What do you do?"

"Oh, don't ask me that, please?"

"Really? It must be nice whatever it is!"

"Well....lets just say....I'm a pharmacist."

"A pharmacist! WOW! Did you got to school for that? My friend Penny's a doctor of pharmacology! You must've gone to school for a long time!"

"No....not that kind of pharmacist....I'm a......street pharmacist..."

"A street...pharmacist.......?.....OHHHHHhhhh....wait...You mean Doctor FEEL GOOD?"

Michael begain flailing his arms at me yelling in a loud whisper and jumping up and down very high, quickly but quietly, "SHUSH UP! SHEESH! MAN THE WALLS GOT EARS MAN!"

It dawned on me what we were facing, though I didn't know how serious it was.

I told him, "You know....if you want to get right with God, you are going to have to shut that down, right?"

"Man, Father Millican, you can't just shut stuff like that down right away. People turn up missing and bad things happen. I'm going to need some time."

A few other fellows from the hood stopped by, Elder Fenn and I were the only white ones within several miles, I felt a little out of my element seeings how I used to arrest drug dealers and now I was sitting down with one....or several....and I didn't know what they had on them or what could happen and I felt somewhat like Daniel in the lions den, but here we go.

I always followed the spirit on everything, including where to sit. I felt prompted to sit in the big recliner chair and Elder Fenn took the loveseat, I felt prompted to teach, and so we began.

As the lesson went on and we recited the First Vision, Michael stopped us.

" You just said everything I heard you say in a dream two weeks ago. Verbatim. You sat there, Elder Fenn sat there, and you were sent by God. I don't even know why I'm crying! I don't even know who Jesus Christ is! I want to feel this way forever! What is this amazing feeling! I feel so warm inside! What is this? What is this warm feeling? I want to know who Jesus Christ is!"

"You want to know who Jesus Christ is? You gotta VCR?" (I carried "The Lamb of God" videotape just in case, both VHS and DVD were out at the time but we were mostly handing out VHS).

"Yes...NOOOOOOO....I'm recording a show......but I got a friend who has a VCR....lets go!"

Elder Fenn and I were shuffled off across the hood into another exceptionally nice looking apartment. Except.....this one wasn't rural-country nice like Michael's place.

No, this had a plasma big screen. A full blown wet-bar complete with drink racks. A sound system. Black lights. Disco lights. Rap music blaring. I could barely see. Smoke filled the room. There were gold teeth. Dreadlocks. Some nice clothes. Ho's. Hookers. And a lot of black men who clearly didn't like white guys and it was just like in the movies where the colored guys walk into the cowboy bar but the music stops and everyone stops to look and you know it ain't gonna be good. Only this time, it was us. But the music didn't stop.   Not yet. I had walked into Coolio's gangster paradise. And I knew it and so did they. And I was a white boy far from home and I wasn't sure how this was going to go.

Michael was only 5'4".   Unbeknownst to me - despite his effeminate mannerisms and his short stature....NOBODY....screwed with Michael Dede (Day Day) in that part of the city.

Michael just walked in and put his hands up "Okay y'all shut up, we're gonna watch a movie! Turn that off, kill the music! Shut up! Mo' yo ass, we' gonna watch a movie." "

Everyone looked at us and it was HOSTILE. But Michael was there and, sure enough, all the ho's and pimps and everyone....killed the music and the party like "that."

We then proceeded to watch "The Lamb of God."

When we got done, I was in tears, Michael was not allowed to cry. After all, the lead drug kingpin/dealer to East Baton Rouge can't be seen crying.

I finished when Michael turned it off. Everyone was quiet. I then said, "That's why you have to be worthy. That's why we don't just throw our hands in the air and claim to be saved. We have to live as He did. We have to be worthy."

There was silence.

And then...."....sounds like a buncha stupid white boy honkey sh** if you ask me, bunch a p****** is what I see."

Michael jumped up and put his hands in the air and pointed a finger at the guy who said it, "HEY! If I hear ANY of you - or ANY ONE - says anything bad against Elder Fenn or Father Millican.......I will bury you in the street. You hear me? Your a** belongs to me. You better mark it because you know I will bury you. These boys have free reign of the hood. And I so much as even HEAR of a HINT of anyone touching them or even saying something unkind to them, they will deal with me. Got it? You put that out there and warn everyone. Cuz these guys got a message that is from God and we need to hear it."

I could feel the power this man had in this part of a dark world. However, the resistance to us in the hood dropped after that. But this wasn't the end of Michael Dede.

As we attended another lesson, there was a man who was with Michael frequently. His name was Eric. Can I say he was beautiful? He was beautiful in terms of his spirit and humility. He looked like Michael Jordan and was about the same size and had a very deep, soft voice that was just heaven to listen to as he struggled to read the scriptures. I looked into the men's eyes in the ghetto. So many had death in them. So many had hopelessness and regret. A fearful looking to the future to the time they would meet God. Yet they still met with us so often.

At any rate, a young gang banger came over one night while we were teaching and Eric filled us in on the story. As Michael was shutting down the drug trade, he and this gang banger went to get some money to wrap up a deal. Eric went with. Michael told the guy, "Look, I'm supposed to get either fifteen grand from you, or leave you in the streets or break your legs to send a message, but you caught me in a transition. So here's the deal, you pay me back, our business is done. If you don't have it, we call it a gift, and our business is still done, but we are through, got it?"

The deal was over and as they left, the young gang banger started yelling at Michael. "MAN! WHAT IS WITH YOU? Ever since you been hanging out with these white boys you're turning into a pu***! What the **** MAN! LETS END THIS!"

Eric then grabbed the kid by the throat and and slammed him against the garage door and got in his face and replied for Michael. "He's not getting weak. He's getting smart. Look around man. How many of us die of old age? Nobody. We all have a bullet with our name on it. Everyone in here is dying. Your friends are disappearing. Your time is coming too. I suggest you listen to these guys. They are the ONLY white boys who come in here and talk to us. Nobody else will. Nobody else does. They gave us a chance and saw past our color. They listen. They risk a lot. You'd be smart to listen to them too. Cuz if you don't.....your days are numbered like the rest of them. Think it over."

We continued teaching Michael who cleaned himself up in preparation for baptism.   The one man society would give the least chance at success was coming around. And many others were too.

Time came to where I had to be transferred. Michael gave me his rock collection as a parting gift. I still have it today. It was his most valuable and prized possession. In the collection was and is still a piece of marble scrap left over from the construction of the Baton Rouge temple he picked up. He explained to me that rainy night as I said goodbye that everyone knew you don't touch Michael's rock collection. "I better not see it thrown in a ditch somewhere either."   I laughed and so did he, and that rainy night as I said goodbye to a man I loved like my own flesh and blood - like my own family - I wished him the best.

Time passed and I got sent back to Baton Rouge. I went to find Michael. Apparently the HIV got worse, and nobody knew where he was. He'd disappeared. My friend was gone. I don't know what happened to him. I wish the story resulted in a baptism I knew of. But in the meantime, I saw the impossible happen. A man at the bottom rung of society who had influence in one of the darkest parts of the world....recognized the light when it entered his world and share it with others and spread his influence to allow the work to go forward, shut down an evil empire and begin to change.

I wish I knew what happened to my friend. My best friend from my mission. My friend from the lowest stations on earth who taught me what faith really means at great risk to himself and who showed me what can happen if a missionary has just a bit of faith - that we can through others not just touch one life but an entire city.

Michael Dede taught me as a missionary to dream the impossible dream.

I miss my friend, I loved and do love him like a brother. Wherever he is - and I don't believe he is here anymore - I know he remembers what we taught him and what he was doing and I know we will meet up again. We were destined to meet if only for a time, but Michael? If you are there, you did what nobody else believed could even start to happen and I thank you for it and will never forget you for it. Thank you for teaching me. And wherever you are, God Bless. I believed and still do believe in you. Thank you.

Look forward and up!

2011-10-08T03:42:00.000-07:00

In our personal lives, spiritually speaking, we have a tendency to look back at where we've been.

And because we've been there, we are apt to confuse where we've been with where we are.

Often we are not happy with where we've been.

We may not be happy with where we are.

But where we've been, where we are and where we're going and where we could be going are four different things.

Spiritually our journey should be one, overall, of an upward, forward climb. Speed is not important, neither is altitude or distance, only that we're climbing up and as far and as fast as WE can, and the Lord knows our capabilities and intents.

Which means, that when we look at where we've been, we will be looking back, and down.

Rather than insisting that because of where we are we are or were a failure and saying "I'm terrible!" because of the Atonement and our divine origins, we can and should say "I can do better!"

Remember in your spiritual journey called life, as you find where you are, look forward and up, not down and back.

But if we do look down and back, don't confuse it with where you are, but instead, feel free to marvel how far and how high you've come!

If you would like to hear the Lord pray.....

2011-10-07T01:20:00.000-07:00

As we read the book of John as a family, we read the Intercessory Prayer. I hadn't thought of it, but that is the Lord praying. Yes, I know it's a prayer and obviously its Him praying. But what I mean is, it's not just Him praying. It's Him praying. As in, we can learn a lot about the Lord and His relationship to the Father from that prayer.

Alone

2011-10-05T01:26:00.000-07:00

I've been alone so many times
To stand against the world
But I was young, I knew no fear
I'd give it all a whirl!

Close or kind friends I had none
I was an object of jest
Father leaving family failing
It was too young to face such a test

Life is brutal sparing no one
Neither old nor young
You either hang in there, make it count! Succeed!
Or give up and call it done.

Time wore on I grew weak
I had no one in whom to confide
There had to be a point to all this
Some answer - some purpose to life

I knelt in prayer to the One
Who I hoped loved me still
"I want to serve you, I have questions!
Let me know thy will!"

Time passed and then the answers came
but in a form not known
Were these the answers that I wanted?
Is that what I'd been shown?

It was the truth! I had answers!
Now life looked so amazing!
Everything suddenly made sense!
It was what my soul had been craving.

But tests didn't end, I was still alone
But now at least I had a purpose
I still didn't know all the "Why's" or "Why nots"
But I gave my life in service

A Christmas eve far from home
And first in line in harms way
I didn't have my family now
I had duty to do - I had to stay

Yet something filled me up that night
Something in my heart
So far away from home in danger
I didn't feel apart

The years wore on and I served still
Alone and often hated
For what they thought that I believed
I started feeling jaded

And now another massive test still
When will these ever end?
Unending pain and trials and sorrows?
But now I had a friend

Life has its paths with curves and forks
And woods and forested mountains
Its not the comfort of life I've learned that counts
But the experience itself that is our fountain

It hurts! It bites! It stings! It smarts!
This isn't fun at all!
Unmercifully life continues on
You give up, lie down and die.....or you stand tall

Some pains in life just don't make sense
I don't know all the "whys"
But through it all I've gained knowledge! Experience!
And behold....this is the prize.

There was a time when I gave up
I told the Lord "I do not want to"
That night in a dream I saw Him come, he said
"If you won't, then I don't want you."

I thought myself too good! Too fine!
To endure such painful trials
He is ever better than me and yet
He goes with me through the miles

And now in time I've been humbled
My proud and stony heart been broken
When finally my pride was crushed
It felt like I'd awoken

I realized in all this pain
Precious gifts to me had been given
The gifts of empathy, endurance, strength!
inside me had arisen!

And now to others in pain too
Passing through life's trial
I have felt the sting of life's hurt too, but
All I can give is a knowing smile

You hang in there! Don't you give up!
I do and still am here
You're not alone though it may feel it
Your father in heaven is near

Even Christ upon the cross
Cried he'd been left alone
This journey of tears and pain is ours
We must walk it, endure it, conquer it to return home

You're not alone I say, you're not!
If you can just believe
His comforting words your burdens will lift
If His comfort you'll receive

We can still the storms and tempests tossed
And calm the mortal strifes
We are the masters of this world
We can enjoy this life

Alone, in pain, discouraged, down
I do know how that feels
It isn't much fun but comfort can be found
And the comfort? It IS real

We may not think that it will work
And we may think to reject it
But the miracle of the gospel is true peace
If we will but accept it

That will not work! How can this be?
The mortal mind may wonder
Some things I know I can't explain
But my peace, your peace, our blessings we can number

And though we may accept His peace
The turmoil will not end
No not until this life is over
My eternal friend

But we can stand together eyes wide open
To face life without fear
Growing stronger and more graceful
Every day our peace draws nearer

And so until that day does come
Until then I will be here
Faithfully, fearlessly, and unflinching
Each day brings it nearer

But never alone ever again
We never are alone
We are together with Him with Us over the years...over the miles..
Until we return Home

Mortality

2011-10-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

mortality

It just occurred to me, that the root word in "mortality" or "mortal" is the latin root word for "death" - mort.

Which of course gives rise to a whole lot of other thoughts.

The brilliance of death!

Without it we would be forever in a fallen state by the decrees of God.

Even those bones laid to rest cannot be taken up by the hosts unseen who seek to overthrow this world, man's agency and God himself because of death.

Those hosts that have been taken over by the adversary, such as the swine in the new testament, even will break with their satanic spirits and go down to rest.

It's a brilliant plan! Not fun from our standpoint here, but brilliant eternally nonetheless.

Together

2011-10-04T00:55:00.000-07:00

We started on the road of life
Holding hands together
Life's storms have nearly torn us apart
But we are sealed forever

Joys and blessings amidst life's trials
Flow down on us like a fountain
Holding fast, we've gained power
As we journey up life's mountains.

Now in weakness, we gain strength
Together we grow stonger
Uncertain what trials lie ahead
Nevertheless I hope we have longer

And now your strength begins to fade
Notwithstanding, we're still blessed
Amidst the storms we've become more steady
I think we'll pass this test

Let me be your hands, your feet
You lend me your heart
In the darkness we're not beaten
Every day a bright new start

You've taught me patience with your love
Forgiven my many faults
I am a better man now dear
A better husband, a better father.

My greatest treasure is our children
Thank you for your love
I wasn't ready for one - now we have three!
Blessings from above

I'll always be here holding their hands
Teaching them, pressing them onward.
I'll be there for us till the end
Till we all return with honor

Words cannot describe just how I feel
The journey's been unforgiving
With pain, sorrow, yet joy and hope
Our life is well worth living

You took a risk when you married me
I hope that I am worth it
I'm still fighting the good fight
Because in truth....you deserve it.

Thou Shalt Not Covet...

2011-10-02T10:37:00.000-07:00

I keep seeing headlines blaming our economic woes on the wealthy who do not give up their wealth or share it appropriately.

I know that our prophet, Joseph Smith and Brigham Young both prophesied of the day when the constitution would hang as it were by the brittlest of threads.

That day will come within my lifetime.

I believe we're seeing the runup to it now.

Now the powers of darkness have never rested since that first temptation in the Garden of Eden. We needn't think that this is a new development and that the constitution was never threatened before now.

The constitution has been being threatened almost since its very inception including by a civil war.

Now, it isn't government forces that threaten its existence or our society - but greed. Covetousness. Envy. Ingratitude for the blessings with which we've been blessed.

At the head of it all is a president who's very policies are engineering economic discord who then points the finger around the room at all others who are responsible, when we've enjoyed unparallelled prosperity for longer in history and to a degree never yet enjoyed in history....until he became president. Now all of a sudden, it's everyone else's fault.

Bankers have always existed. The wealthy have always existed. The poor have always existed as well. Only, in America, our poor are among the wealthiest of any nation on earth - I know because as a veteran I have personally seen a revolution torn wasteland - a revelation that promised the same things this President touts as the future of our nation.The one variable right now that has changed in this time is who is in charge. And now, the chorus of the ignorati grows stronger - coveting the wealth of the wealthy while accusing the wealthy of being guilty of coveting. Willing to steal that which they have not earned, while accusing others of stealing.

Only God can and will see us through the dark times that increasingly threaten our freedom.

I will note that the Lord also declared that the constitution will be upheld by the Saints.

We will prevail but only if we hold fast.....that's just my thoughts.....

Missionary Lessons in Costco.....PC Nativity

2011-10-02T00:21:00.000-07:00

When I'm out with my kids, I usually speak French or Japanese with them. Dunno why. Fluent in both, but somehow when I'm in the store....out comes French or Japanese. My favorite is Frapanese. "Mosugu oari ni aru eto retournerons chez nous!"

At any rate, as we looked at a Nativity set whose box was labeled in French, Rachel asked what it was. I recited the box label in French and when she asked what it was, I translated.

I wasn't dressed at all to look like a Costco employee. Okay, maybe I was. Jeans and t-shirt? Okay, so this woman asks me if I know anything about the nativity set.

I told her I didn't work there but if she meant the nativity in general, I explained that the nativity has been highly romanticized and sterilized from what life in a barn in the year 0 would have been like.

She asked about the "Wise Men."

I informed her that there is no account in the gospels of the number of wise men, but the number has been fixed at three in accordance with the number of the gifts - gold, frankincense and myrrh - but could have been as much as 50 or more!

She asked if the nativity had been made "politically correct" and that was "why one of the wise men is....did they put him....did they make him....." she looked around and then whispered "African American to be politically correct?" The lady looked around again worried she might offend someone or be heard.

I almost busted out laughing.

"Um....he wouldn't have been an African American.....they were in Jerusalem. He was black. Probably from Ethiopia. And having a black wise-man wouldn't have been out of the realm of possibility and could very well have fit in with the times. Even many of the Romans were proselytes to Judaism."

"Oh."

"Other than that I don't know a whole lot."

"You sound like you know a lot about it."

"Well, I am a Sunday School teacher but that's about it." (Explaining what an Elders' Quorum Teacher is takes too much work)

"Oh, what religion?"

"LDS."

"LDS? What's that?"

"Mormon."

"OH!"

"Not the polygamous kind in Texas, we don't do that."

"No, of course not."

Anyways, it is amazing to me just how easy it is to share the gospel. Out of this, the lady learned I was a Christian, a Mormon, knew about the Nativity, and was a military veteran (I was wearing one of my hats), and was pretty easy to talk to. Success!

Out of the mouths of babes....little angels....

2011-09-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight while at Costco with my daughter, we were standing in the checkout line. She noticed an older lady standing nearby who had done something fancy with her hair to tie it up in an unusual but artfully arranged fashion. My daughter, Rachel, then leaned over to me and told me "That lady's hair looks pretty."

I told her, "Why don't you go tell her then?"

"...I'm shy" she replied as she nuzzled into my side to hide from the thought.

I said, "Go tell her! I bet she'll like it!"

"No, that's okay."

At this point, realizing that my daughter could use some incentive and seeing the lady's care-worn face who it had probably been years since she was told she was pretty and could probably use a little angel to come tell her so, I resorted to incentivizing.

I said, "Tell ya what, you go tell her what you wanted to say and I'll get you a cheese burger from McDonalds and we can talk about it."

She agreed, and then ran across the three aisles to tell the lady very quickly that she thought her hair was pretty.

little angels

The lady looked down and then when she heard Rachel, she smiled. You could see years of care on her face relax for a moment to think that someone would notice an old woman and have something nice to say about her appearance in an age of life when beauty is largely considered to be bygone.

Rachel raced right back still shy but wanting a cheeseburger. I asked her what happened.

"She said thank you."

"Ah....and how did you feel?"

"I felt happy...."

"Good. People need to hear things like that. You should tell people nice things whenever you can. "Do you know where that comes from?"

"No...."

"The Holy Ghost!.....The Holy Ghost makes us feel happy...He lets us know when we are doing the things of God."

Before I left, I looked back at the elderly lady one more time and her demeanor had changed and she looked a bit happier overall and just like her day was going a bit better.

I know that a kind word in our world is a precious and rare commodity. I'm not above "bribing" my kids to go experience something they don't know they are going to enjoy and that's going to be good for them, or using my children to spread a little sunlight in the world as little angels in a world that can use more angels and a little more sunlight.

At any rate when it was over I couldn't help but think of the scripture, "For such is the kingdom of heaven..." in these little children.

I'm so glad I have my children. People say grandchildren are the best. I haven't been there yet but I can't imagine anything better than having my children at home or out with me.

Matthew's Book: Love Without Works Is Dead

2011-09-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

Another Entry for Matthew's Book.

Just as the Lord has said that "faith without works is dead" - so also "Love without works is dead." You can say you love your spouse, your parents, your friends, but if you're the only one who feels the love and they don't know it or don't feel your love, then it isn't truly love. Feeling love for someone and loving someone are two different things. Feeling loved is still yet another.

Further, what you might construe as showing love, another person might not connect with or recognize and visa-versa. However, while your love languages may differ, don't miss out on love simply because you have a different notion of what love is when its shown. Pay attention so you don't miss it! You may begin to see love shown in myriad little ways and find that there is love where you might have thought there was only passing like ships in the night. Gratitude and appreciation are just as important to love as are dedication, devotion and motivation.

Matthew's Book: Baggage in relationships...

2011-09-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

Matthew's Book is a collection of thoughts and insights I've written to my children, originally beginning with my first child as we thought we would only be able to have one child (Now we have three!) and so it was named for him and me. In it are things I wished I'd been told, or am glad I was told, or learned the hard way as I was growing up.

His baptism is a year out from now. At his grandpa's suggestion, I think I'm going to break the book up into parts for various stages of his life, baptism, receiving the priesthood, mission and marriage. Anyways, here is Matthew's Book.

Baggage

In terms of future relationships, you're going to learn about something called "baggage" - or the things that people bring with them into their relationships from their past and including who they are.

Some things will be related to things they've done in the past that they may regret.
Some things will be things they can't do anything to change whether it happened or not.
Other things will be things that are a part of who they are that they may not be able to, want to or even be ready to leave behind in a relationship.
Some baggage will be small.
Others may be larger.
Still, some baggage may seem to even require their own airplane or baggage car to transport along with their own baggage handling crew.
Some baggage may seem big at the time and turn out to be no big deal.
Other baggage may seem small and can impact your relationship in ways you hadn't foreseen.
Some may actually get smaller over time.
Some may actually get larger over time.
Not all baggage is a disqualifier for a relationship.
Not all baggage should be brought into a relationship.
Some baggage should be left behind by both you and your helpmeet, both individually and towards each other.
Not all baggage needs to be shared.
Some baggage should not be kept secret.
You will also bring your own baggage to any relationship you enter into.

Your ability to discern the impact of these things on your relationship will improve over time. Begin young in considering and learning how these things impact and can impact you and your partner down the road. Spend time in contemplation with the Lord. You will probably create baggage with your spouse over time of things you wish to carry or may even be unable to keep from taking with you in your journey or may need to set down.
In all these things, actively seek the counsel of the Lord to decide what is relevant and important.
In all these things do not forget the Atonement of Christ. Your maturity, personality, social skills and those of your partner, or prospective partner are going to determine to what extent these things are going to impact your relationship.
But in all this, in my experience, nobody comes into a relationship baggage-free. It is a part of who we are and our experiences in life.
While I don't have any clear-cut advice on this topic, my purpose has to been to give perspective so you can make an informed and spiritually wise decision in your future relationships.

Mission Memories: Tracting from the scriptures

2011-09-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

In February 2001 I'd been on my mission for 10 weeks. I began to realize that tracting was of serious eternal significance and a lot more was happening on the doorstep than I would have thought. But, on 17 February 2001 I wrote this in my mission journal. "Luke 14:15-24 is EXACTLY what I think tracting is like."

Here is what Luke says - and yes - it was like this given that we were in a place that supposedly believed in Christ (the deep South) and loved the Lord and we must remember Isaiah's admonition that the people would be cursed until they say "Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord" - or in other words welcome the servants of the Lord which I am:

15 ¶And when one of them that sat at meat with him heard these things, he said unto him, Blessed is he that shall eat bread in the kingdom of God.

16 Then said he unto him, A certain man made a great supper, and bade many:

17 And sent his servant at supper time to say to them that were bidden, Come; for all things are now ready.

18 And they all with one consent began to make excuse. The first said unto him, I have bought a piece of ground, and I must needs go and see it: I pray thee have me excused.

19 And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to prove them: I pray thee have me excused.

20 And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.

21 So that servant came, and shewed his lord these things. Then the master of the house being angry said to his servant, Go out quickly into the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in hither the poor, and the maimed, and the halt, and the blind.

22 And the servant said, Lord, it is done as thou hast commanded, and yet there is room.

23 And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.

24 For I say unto you, That none of those men which were bidden shall taste of my supper.

Think I'm being too hard?

Doesn't sound Christlike?

Then lets remember first, it was the Lord that said this parable Himself.

Mission Memories.....the power of God....

2011-09-25T03:11:00.000-07:00

I was tracting in a town called La Place Louisiana (Lah Plahss) late at night with my companion, Elder Wry from Prince Rupert, Canada.

As we knocked on a door, a man let us in begging us to heal his wife who was in the last stages of cancer.

I wasn't prepared for what lie before me. A woman, dying. The final stage of cancer before death. A hospital bed. A man, inconsolable.

And me and my companion...expected to produce a miracle. A miracle we were begged of. A miracle we didn't know if we could make happen. A miracle we don't get to choose yet were looked to make.

She turned towards us, her decrepit hands reaching out to us. Her breath hoarse. Her eyes sunken into her head. Her hair gone. A woman of 40 something looking like she was over a hundred.

I don't remember what happened. I do know that the issue of blessings to those not of the faith is a matter of discussion in the missionary handbook. I do remember the panic in both Elder Wry and I on this issue as our brains wracked what we were to follow. I do remember he told us he'd invited in every religious preacher and none could heal his wife and we were the last to come and the last to be asked.....

Blessings aren't our choice! I do not get to choose who lives or dies in a blessing! I do not get to choose who is forgiven, and who is saved either. I do not get to choose the blessings to be given. I am only the mouthpiece for the Lord who should say what is given by faith.

How do you explain that to someone so desperate? Someone who looks to you as the Savior who can do anything, if only because they ask it? How do you explain this when they are willing to believe anything in your faith if you but produce the miracle they desire? Or who will turn away if you do not?

I was not prepared for this on a door so late at night while knocking doors. Neither was Elder Wry.

I honestly don't remember what happened. I don't remember if we gave her a blessing. I think we did. I am not sure who acted as voice. But we were not prepared for what was happening. This is one of the reasons now I always ask that we say a prayer before we give a blessing as it gives me time to prepare, to clear my mind, to ask and answer questions - to be prepared for what is to come. To give them a chance to talk to God before God talks to them. For me to sense the Lord's will and prepare to touch it.

As we got home in a stupor, Elder Wry later that evening said "I could have healed her. The spirit told me to but I wasn't ready. I was scared. I could have but I was overwhelmed. I could have healed her........I could have saved her......but I was too scared I wouldn't have the words to say, or that it wouldn't be given to me that when I felt it I wasn't sure if it was me or the spirit.......I could have healed her. She could have lived."

I felt it too, though I can't say beyond what I felt whether it would have happened.

I haven't forgotten that night ever. I don't even remember leaving the man's house.

There is such a weight upon the priesthood. So much pressure on a priesthood holder. Our worthiness and faith can be called upon in a moment's notice and we do not have time to repent. Beyond that, the world sees our worthiness....or unworthiness...

I have missed out on blessings in times past when I wasn't ready to give them. But even when ready...

In looking back, I know that God knew what would happen, as He does all things. More than anything I marvel at the experience as a whole. I only can imagine that the man lost his wife in agony to a horrible death that was nigh already that night. And I still don't know what I would have said differently, or could have that night to the man, though I don't even remember what we said. I'm not bothered by it only because I know God knew what would happen and I don't even know for sure what could have happened.....I don't know....

I do know life goes on.....and I know God knows the end from the beginning....as He knows my weaknesses...

For now, I don't know that I have a point, other than this is just a memory....

Family time.....

2011-09-25T02:16:00.001-07:00

Evolution In The Bible?

2011-09-23T17:48:00.000-07:00

Genesis 1:

20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

Interesting....life came out of the waters...just noticed this...

On abortion....

2011-09-21T01:04:00.000-07:00

I enjoy letting the Apostles speak when they can. This is a sensitive subject. This in mind, I think President Faust says it best and I will let him speak on the topic.

Thoughts on Eternal Progression.....

2011-09-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

First, a poem:

How Did You Die?

Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it.
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what’s that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It’s nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there – that’s disgrace.
The harder you’re thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn’t the fact that you’re licked that counts;
It’s how did you fight and why?

And though you be done to the death, what then?
If you battled the best you could;
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,
And whether he’s slow or spry,
It isn’t that fact that you’re dead that counts,
But only how did you die?

The scriptures tell us that all those who would have accepted the gospel had they been permitted to tarry, will be heirs of the celestial kingdom.

This in mind, I've come to realize it isn't where we are at on the journey that truly matters. It is where we are headed, and what is within us to help us head there that matters.

It doesn't matter how many times we trip and fall.

If we are the type who will get back up and keep trying, then we are the type the Lord would have.

It only matters that we got back up one more time than we fell down.

YSA Memories

2011-09-19T02:35:00.000-07:00

A brief memory.

When I came home from overseas in the Navy, boy was I glad to be back around LDS girls again. Too many years of a lousy dating pool in the military, and being around girls who were interested/open/looking for marriage again? Yeah!

So, we had this YSA activity.

GREAT!

And, we were going to the coast.

GREAT!

And we needed to drive!

FANTASTIC!

And there were three guys and I don't know how many girls.

EXCELLENT!

And none of the guys wanted to drive the girls who were going!

THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CLUE!

So I volunteered to drive me, in a Ford Bronco II (Eddie Bauer Edition) full of ladies, to the coast and back.

SWEET!

Until my bronco bogged down in the sand.

Major loss of cool points among the ladies.

Amazingly, once I got their....."ample frames" lets say....out of my bronco, (all five of them) amazingly, my bronco had no problems going through the sand anymore.

I decided not to openly voice my assessment as to the cause of the problem. At the time I was 5'6" and weighed 160 and could run like Forrest Gump. I decided it would be rude to give my opinion, though my military mouth was having a hard time not saying so.

At any rate, the ride home? I was told I opened myself up for it - but - five ladies in the car with one guy? It started getting MEAN!

Like, mean at my expense.

I don't remember what was said, but, I don't really engage in a battle of wits - let alone with five sisters in a vehicle on a church activity - if I do - I was going to go military style - and I didn't want to do that. Not only that, I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box at the time - it was like having a battle of wits with an unarmed man. Attention Deficit Disorder doesn't lend itself to following complicated....or even simple paths of logic on the fly when you're in a car full of five ladies.

At any rate, the point came I actually told them I was going to drop them off and I had no problems doing it if they didn't start being polite. I did. I pulled over.

No really. I told them they had to say sorry or I was going to kick them out.

Anyways, I did get a begrudged sorry, and when I dropped them off at the end of ~~hell~~ the activity, boy was I glad it was over.

I guess the one thing I did get out of it though was, I got a card from one of the girls a week later telling me she was so so so sorry for being a part of something like that. She said my feelings looked like they'd been truly hurt.

She was pretty, she was fun, one card led to one adventure after another.

But the bottom line?

First, I'm an idiot for falling for a card, right? No, but I did get another years later from another sister who said it really bothered her about that day. But anyways....

If you think you're the lucky guy in a car full of women? You might wanna rethink it. You're not. Their gender tends to stick together. Chances are it isn't going to go in your favor. Speaking up? Probably isn't going to work really well either.

But on the flip side, I gained valuable experience out of all this - experience comes as a result of not having wisdom beforehand. One of which is, probably the less you talk...the better if you're a guy in that situation.

Just a thought, just a memory.

Family Foundations and Patriarchal Blessings.....

2011-09-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

We read in the New Testament how many times Jesus departed into the wilderness to pray, to fast and to be alone and commune with God basically.

We don't read a whole lot of what happened in those times, though it does make me wonder if His Father appeared to Him, strengthening Him and guiding Him on.

At any rate, now for two weekends I've been camping for a single overnighter. There is something though about going off into the wilderness myself to pray and ponder the words of the Lord that brings such comfort.

Today, I spent some time reading my patriarchal blessing. I read it from beginning to end, out loud, on the side of a river. I don't even know the name of the river. I think it is a tributary to a river. Maybe it is just called "Jones Creek" because we were at the Jones Creek Campground near Tillamook.

My patriarchal blessing tells me that it will be a comfort to me all the days of my life if I let it.

For the first time, I found things in there that when read all the way through, out loud, and allowing it to be a comfort to me, was. I gained a perspective I'd never had before on my life, on life in general, and one that I doubt many men have had in this world since the beginning of time.

But more than that, as I've struggled to find out how to lead my family as its patriarch and head, today in prayer the Lord said to me, in continuance from my last session fasting in which He told me I haven't even begun to use the resources I have at my disposal spiritually in the church: "Follow the Proclamation on the Family."

Tonight, in Family Prayer - my wife sustained me as I led our family in this meeting, a man cannot really succeed as the head of a home without his wife's support and sustaining - I read two parts of the Proclamation on the Family. The parts emphasized are italicized:

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

I noted what areas we are strong in as a family - and what areas we need to work on to bring the blessings of the Lord into our home. One of which, though we are strong in prayer, our prayers themselves aren't strong as they tend to follow the "generic LDS prayer pattern."

I'm learning just how much comfort there really is in the gospel in the family - how much power there is in it. I have struggled so long with my family searching for strength - for a miracle. Now, I've found that even when I'm frustrated and have to share things with my family that might frustrate me - the gospel can give me the words to say to express frustration and direct us in the areas we need to head as a family.

Tonight as a patriarch, for the first time, I felt the power bestowed upon me by Heaven in my role as a father receiving inspiration for and directing my family as He would have me do. Given that this is the first time I've felt this, I'm still beside myself with awe and have much to reflect upon. However, I think there is something to be said for solitude in the wilderness as we ponder the scriptures and the word of the Lord, and using the gospel to word or even answer the problems we are confronted with. There truly is power there!

Matthew's Book....on failure and relationships

2011-09-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

This is an excerptfrom a book I'm writing to my children of things I know, wish I knew, or don't want to forget to pass on to them.

Failure in life is inevitable in some form or fashion. It can happen for various reasons, some are in your control, some aren't. People not liking you and therefore not bringing you onto their team or to work with them? You have limited control over this, because you can only present your best self, but they still have to make the decision as to whether they want you or to work with you. You not being prepared? Still can be limited control depending on circumstances. However, sometimes failure can provide amazing opportunities. One can be like Lehi's journey in the wilderness, rather than simply charging ahead towards the goal he was told to simply wait and this time gave them strength and enabled them to prepare and grow and become faithful. Another advantage to failure is, while it is nice when people support us and back us up - when people refuse to support you or you don't have their support - it compels you to have to examine yourself and truly commit to believing in yourself despite popular opinion. There is much to be gained from failure - not that we should set out to fail. Always remember the example of Thomas Edison who tried well over nine hundred ways to invent the lightbulb before he was successful. If anything he is an expert on all the ways a lightbulb won't work and why! But throwing yourself down, whining and crying about how you didn't succeed - though tempting and maybe even comforting for a time - ultimately won't move you ahead. And the ability to endure failure / shortcomings and setbacks - well - can make you a valuable, stabilizing asset to any team you become a part of. Look at failure as your teacher who can help you progress as much as you do success. On a positive note you may even be able to marvel at the things you missed, didn't see, and pick yourself up and be a resilient student of life and press ahead better the next time.

In relationships, it isn't always critical to be right so much as it is to be loving and part of your relationship/marriage. At times you may have to accept that even if you think you are right, the other might not think you are right no matter how much you try. This is part of being different people. To be successful in a relationship, you are going to have to be able to sometimes concede a different point of view that you may not agree with in order to keep the relationship. This is especially important in your marriage. Don't sacrifice your marriage just to simply "be right." We cannot compel in the gospel nor can we force others to see a point of view. Being remembered and known as being "right" is good, but I think that perhaps, being remembered and known as loving and caring is even better.

On Gratitude....

2011-09-08T14:13:00.000-07:00

Life is tough right now. Very tough. in order to survive, emotionally and mentally, I've had to take to living life each day - one day at a time, taking no thought for the things of the morrow.

But then what?

Is that just some mental game we play to get ourselves by until everything is given back to us?

Or do we truly embrace each day and count the blessings?

I have grown tired of counting the small blessings to get by. I'm ready for life to return to "normal." But then, what's that? A state of blind, rushed ingratitude where life isn't savored anymore? Am I not truly grateful for the small blessings? Am I ungrateful as it is still?

I believe our trials and tribulations aren't just meant to be endured. They aren't meant to be conquered. They aren't meant to just be passed through.

They are meant to make us into better people. Better children of our Heavenly Father.

Prayer can truly lift us up above this mortal sphere of pain, suffering, shocks to the flesh and emotions - if we let it.

I read this morning in Moroni 10:22 that if we don't have hope, then we are in despair and despair comes because of sin.

Normally I think when we think of sin we think of the big things: adultery, drugs - you know - the big stuff!

But the little things whittle our faith down just as much as well - bit by bit - unnoticed, unseen until we are in the dark with just a glimmer of light in the distance while we tell ourselves that "we can reach it! We can make it back! It's right there!" when in fact it would take time to fully embrace the light and move towards it again and stand in it. Before we know it - we are completely in the dark.

Gratitude for the seemingly small things - TRUE gratitude - can save us and bring so much light into our lives and help us connect with the Father of our spirit, who not only knows if a feather of a sparrow falls to the ground, is also aware of every single, tiny blessing we receive.

My goal is going to be to begin to see if I can see the blessings of God in the life around me and to remember to see God in everything, not just be aware of Him up above. Even a sunset, for example. There are 365 of them in a year, but try as I might....I'm unable to make one. I can only enjoy the ones He made for us...along with so many other blessings that we cannot create ourselves.

Mission Memories - Being Valiant

2011-09-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

"Many of us are not comfortable with attention, much less criticism. Many of us would rather go unnoticed because if we can blend in, less will be expected of us. Safety is sought in the crowd rather than in the Lord, and the crowd almost always seeks a silent consensus of mediocrity. However good the crowd, it expects less of us than what we are truly capable of giving." ~ Elder Lawrence Corbridge of the Seventy.

Often we tend to think of the crowd as being the "bad crowd" while "good crowds" don't seem to draw much attention for good or for bad.

However, even the best of crowds within the church can degenerate compared to the Lord's standards, and valiant leadership and testimony are required to keep the faith - sometimes with seeming risk to ourselves

At my time in the MTC, I got called as a District Leader. I was excited! Leadership! That was for me! I have no problems being in command. I was born to lead! But there was one problem....

The problem I do have is I'm very used to leading where I can give orders and men obey immediately - and I can/do/will bark orders. My struggle is however I worry about the impact outside of a military setting on the psyche's of those I lead.

My call as a District Leader in the MTC caused a schism, a rift, some turbulence in the social structure at the MTC. I wasn't "popular" in the MTC - not to say I was disliked - but there was clearly a crowd that was at the center of the social structure and attention. To start with, I was a returned military veteran very very focused on our mission and a convert to the church who was going on a decade older than the rest of the Elders called to serve. My concept of a "mission" was something you might not come back alive from and you'd better be focused and quit the "cokin' and jokin'" and do your job. Having learned to cram more work into 30 seconds and accomplish more before 9am than most people do in a day in the Navy - I actually found the MTC schedule to be quite frustrating because it was so "relaxed" and "lazy" while others struggled to keep up and I wondered how we were going to accomplish the work of the Lord at such a slow pace.

At any rate, I was called and set apart. The Elder who was the apparent head of the social group that was having a great time at the MTC who thought he should be called...was not. This was the beginning of social tension for me at the MTC. He refused to speak to me or participate in class. If he could not be at the front, he wasn't going to participate. And the crowd followed. And it suddenly became my job, within gospel standards, to keep us from going off a cliff and lead us the other way. And I found I had little sway with the Elders.

Now, in all fairness to this Elder, I had my own struggles with pride in the mission field and feeling like I should be called to leadership and was feeling "passed over" when I was better at things than others.

At any rate, now I had a group of Elders who absolutely did not want to participate in anything, and I wasn't in a position to give orders and tell them to "fix your attitude" and had to persuade a rather large group to "get with the program" and I was on the outside socially. I felt I lacked the skills to accomplish this mission. Suddenly, the MTC became a lot harder than it appeared previously.

I remember us being in a classroom and facing stony silence from the Elders as I tried to teach a lesson and elicit responses from the group who did not wish to be there with me as the head of this group.

So what did I do? I taught the lesson anyways. Since we were there, I was going to at least do my part and pray for the best.

I wish I could say things got better at the MTC. Unfortunately, I actually saw more fist-fights and physical conflict at the MTC in my 3 weeks there than I normally did on a busy weekend as a military police officer. I even had an Elder come to my dorm room who didn't like me with his garment top off to pick a fight with me while others gathered to watch. I was wondering what was going on in this place. I wasn't impressed. I already didn't like the mission field and wondered just how "holy" and "set apart" we truly were.

I struggled again in the Mission Field because being a Machinist's Mate (Ship's Engineer) for the US Navy had taught me to "Do it the right way, exactly the same, each time, every time, all the time, exactly the same" and "if you follow in the footsteps of those who've led the way, you'll get to where you're supposed to go, each time, every time, all the time." Not many Elders had the capability to push it that hard and be that exact.

Fortunately for me, our mission motto was "To observe to perform every word of command with exactness" (From the story of the Stripling Warriors). Sounds like I got sent to the right place!

I later found myself blowing a fuse internally again over rule breaking because I lacked the skills to be diplomatic and wanted to scream at the Elders "WHAT THE (FUDGE) DO YOU THINK YOU'RE (FLIPPING) DOING!!! GET YOUR (BUTT) IN YOUR CHAIR AND (FREAKING) STUDY LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ON TIME FOR THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TIME AND DO YOU (DARNED) JOB AND QUIT PULLING (SHENANIGANS) AND OBEY THE (FANTASTIC) RULES ELDER!!!!"

Obedience....

I ended up going to President Simpson and told him, "President, if I had a military unit run this way I'd shoot myself in the foot and go home." He asked me what I was talking about. I named a litany of troubles in the field, including things that hinted at immorality in the field between Sisters and Elders. He looked very serious handed me a piece of paper and said, "I want names and dates." "Whoah. I'm not trying to get anyone in troub..." "I want names and dates Elder. Now."

That day the President called every single home in the state of Louisiana and asked what was going on in the field. At the end of the day there were many emergency transfers and several dishonorable releases. I heard my own companion on the phone with the mission president for what seemed like an Eternity. That evening the President called me and said "I've cleaned the mission field out for you Elder, I hope it meets your satisfaction and you can serve here now."

He explained to me that he didn't want Gadianton Robbers in the mission field destroying the work.

Through the rest of my service in the Mission Field, other Elders found out I was the one who started the avalanche with the mission president and would say "That was YOU??? I was wondering what started that. You have no idea how glad I am you did that! I was so frustrated I was about to throw my mission away." I heard horror story after horror story of work gone awry in the field. I had a lot to ponder from this.

One of my companions even told me he requested to serve with me because he was hating serving in the field so much. He said I'd gained a reputation for following the rules and not putting up with disobedience and he was going to throw his mission away and go back to the life he lived as an alcoholic and prostitutes rather than fake his way through the field anymore because he hadn't found anyone who was keeping the rules the way they were supposed to. I was told I was his last hope at finishing a successful mission.

I have to thank my trainer for the inspiration in all this as I remember him asking me early on "How do you expect God to bless you when you're disobedient?"

My point? Even the good crowds can degenerate if we are not valiant. Even within the church there will come a time when we must stand up. And unfortunately, however valiant we may have been in the past, that doesn't mean that we won't need to be again in the future in some other difficult time, nor does it mean we can't trip in the future.

Was I valiant in the mission field? Absolutely. Well, I did call my girlfriend at one point. We were having some serious relationship troubles. I did call for permission from the mission president before I did and he said, "You're going to have to make that choice, Elder, I can't give you permission though, but you're going to have to make that choice."

I made the choice! And got my own phonecall from the mission president after that who said "I wasn't saying you could call her. I was saying like in the Garden of Eden with the tree of knowledge, it is given to you to choose nevertheless I the Lord your God forbid it!"

Me: "Oh."

Fortunately my companion stood up for me and said he was glad I did call because I could focus now and the little love-spat was behind us and we could go back to work and I was allowed to continue my mission.

Note to self? Women just aren't worth it in the mission field. Girlfriends? Bah! Relationships? Bah! You're married to the Lord, Elder! If God thought you needed a wife in the mission field He'd have issued you one!

In closing....I hadn't thought until just now that my Mission President might have been comparing my disobedience to being tempted by a woman and that she was the forbidden fruit and hence I was falling from my exalted state in the mission field by yielding to the temptation....just like happened in the Garden of Eden.

Sunday Reflections....Gospel Resources...

2011-09-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

Today as I spent some time fasting, I was fasting for answers from my Heavenly Father on things in my life that I need to be considering for my children and how to raise them.

We can't really leave our children's future to chance. We really can't. There's too much at stake.

As I was praying to know what I should be thinking or what I should to do help raise my children.

One answer in particular came to me, or a concept really.

I realized that I do do a lot in the church, but compared to what I could be doing - it's really not that much. I'm strong. I abide the priesthood. I pray with my kids. But compared to what I could be doing or using or how strong I could be....I've not even begun to touch what the Lord has given us.

There's the Ensign. There's General Conferenece. There's Stake Conference. Ward Conference. Home teaching. There's the temple. There's ward activities. There's so much besides the basic saying of "I'm LDS" that we could be doing. Things I could be doing.

We do have Family Home Evening. But I think that it needs to be recognized, announced as Family Home Evening - just to make the gospel more visible.

At any rate, I got the answer from my thoughts today that I can use and do so much more than I have.

Seven Wonders of the World.....

2011-09-04T16:41:00.000-07:00

This is my mission president's son, Gregg Simpson. I enjoyed his music then, I enjoy it now. It's a nice Sunday twist on music. I like what this captures to in terms of being satisfied with what we've been given rather than chasing after the glories of the world.

Dream.....The Impossible Dream

2011-09-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

This among others might be my theme song....

Mission Memories....."They are here!"

2011-09-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

My second companion, Elder Drew Fenn, and I had been assigned to labor in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

We were becoming proficient at following the spirit and praying out areas to tract.

We had a map of our area on the wall, and before we would go out for the day, we would say a prayer and "pray out" five areas or so each where we felt we were supposed to head.

Then we would after we got our answers, share them with each other. Then we would see which ones matched up! (And they did most of the time in some way or another).

Then we would pray together about the collection we put together and find out which ones were right. And then we would thank the Lord and head out to work.

One morning, we prayed about a road that was wayyyy off in swampland that was at least a half hour's ride, if not almost an hour away or so, but - if the Lord commands - do it!

So we headed out and enjoyed an early morning ride for some ways.

When we finally got to the road we were supposed to be at, we rounded the corner out of the swamps and looked down what looked like the Louisiana equivalent of some upscale estates. Mansion after mansion lined the street - and our jaws dropped. Generally, you don't have as much luck converting the wealthy. They have everything they think they need and so religion isn't generally in the cards for them - though they might talk - but if you get a convert - they are faithful. Conversely, the poor will listen to you all day long, but often have troubles committing - but they will listen!

So as we stared down this street - the same thoughts raced through our minds I'm sure as our jaws dropped and we stared at what faced us.

Elder Fenn then said it. "Well, I'm sure we're going to find the meek and lowly and humble of heart here, who are we looking for? The maid?"

Similar thoughts raced through my head as I knew how the wealthy were in receiving the word but I knew this was it though I was a bit surprised myself. "No, this is it Elder. But which one. I felt like we were supposed to start at the end of the road. Wanna go down to the end?"

We rode to the end of the street and we then agreed on a specific house - parked our bikes and went to work.

As I walked up to the mammoth doors with the glass windows, I rang the doorbell and knocked and waited.

I could see a man inside on the phone who looked at us through the glass and his jaw dropped. He kept talking on the phone. "Oh my G--....they are here. Did you do this? Is this a joke?" He began bantering back and forth over some yet-unknown-to-us joke insisting the other person on the phone was up to something.

He came over to the door and opened it and said, "Who sent you?"

I was a bit surprised. "....nobody.....we."

"Someone sent you. How'd you get here?"

"We rode our bikes....."

"This isn't a joke?"

"....no.....we're out sharing a message about Jesus Christ."

"Right, but someone sent you to my house. Who sent you?"

"Nobody sent us........I mean, okay you really wanna know the truth?"

"YES!"

"We prayed about where to come and this is where we were supposed to be...."

"Nobody sent you, this isn't a joke?"

"No sir...." I replied a bit confused.

"You're serious?"

"Yes, we pray about where to come and the Lord led us here. Why?"

He looked at us incredulously and at this point I am reminded of when Joseph Smith told a man "You have prayed me here, what is it you want of me?"

He then said, "I just got off a plane full of you guys from Salt Lake with a business partner. As we landed, I was joking with him how hilarious it would be if you guys were at our door when we got here, and I just walked in fifteen minutes ago and let him know we were here safe, and then you come knocking on the door. Are you sure this isn't a joke?"

The man was a doctor and came back from a medical conference in Utah.

As with many things in the gospel, we don't always see the fruits of our labors until after this life. I don't know that we ever formally started teaching them. I know the man took it as a sign of sorts that we were there when we were, but in the meantime? Elder Fenn and I were in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. And sometimes? At least as far as we're concerned....it might be at least good for a laugh or two. If anything I know God does have a sense of humor, but for the moment? We were where we were suppossed to be and a man who probably normally wouldn't talk to us was talking to us.

He ended up treating my bursitis in my shoulder and took us to dinner with his family and we got to know him and were able to show him that the "mormons" were decent people and nice people - it was a wonderful exchange, we made a friend and I can totally see the Lord sending us across town to make a friend if not to show a bit of his power and inspiration and maybe even good humor.

Believing The Standard of Truth...

2011-09-02T17:40:00.000-07:00

One of the things I have a testimony of is that the promises of the Book of Mormon aren't only true - they are REAL. One might say "Yeah, well, that applied back then" or "I wouldn't believe it LITERALLY."

Unfortunately there are those today in our own denomination, who, though they believe IN the Book of Mormon and the fullness of the gospel, do not yet have a testimony of nor simply BELIEVE that which is written.

Teancum did actually fight in the name of the Lord. Nephi did actually slay Laban. The Liahona was an actual tool/instrument of the Lord. The Lord has made promises. These things are real. They did happen. They do happen. There is more to come.

This in mind, we needn't take thought as to what happens to us because the Lord's promises - of which we are a part - are true and they will not be finished until the Lord says they are finished.

The Standard of Truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.

My testimony is these things are true and that the Lord will stand by His people.

While the Lord is no respecter of persons, and all are the children of the Lord, the Children of the Covenant are ENTITLED to certain blessings and protections of Heaven when our lives further the purposes of the Lord and we obey our covenants.

Mission Memories......."That Means I'm Jewish"

2011-08-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

Even though I was a returned military veteran and 25 years old as I went on my mission - there were a lot of things I was still naive to in which I helped contribute to the sometimes-notion/impression that missionaries aren't that bright.

A mission is a learning experience. But sometimes.....well.....it can be entertaining as well.....

I didn't know all the different religions yet nor much about them. I was brand new, serving with Elder Keyes (eyes - with a "K") in Baton Rouge. Anyways, if you don't know, Jews put a Mezuzah on their door post (to the side of the door) on the house reminding them of the ten commandments and they often touch it, or symbolically kiss their hand and then touch them as they pass by in their goings into and out of the home to remind them to go out and come in in the name of the Lord. This is a fancy one and very pretty with the 12 stones representing the 12 tribes (sons of Jacob/Israel) and the 12 stones worn on the breastplate of Aaron. Not usually so decorative, but pretty nonetheless.

Anyways, also on some doors are wreath hangars of various fashions like this one:

And other times they have various fancy bulbs in their porch light - sometimes looking like this....

And still other times, they have nails left in the door from some unspecified festivity/purpose but with nothing hanging on them.

Well.....the door we went to for this particular story had all four. A Mezuza, a wreath holder, fancy bulbs and two nails sticking out of the door.

I didn't know what a Mezuza was nor did I know what a wreath holder was. No clue. Never needed to know and never paid attention. I knew what nails were and fancy bulbs but anyways, all this plays an important part in the exchange to follow.

So, Elder Keyes and I are tracting in Baton Rouge and this gentleman says to us at the door, "I'm not interested in what you are sharing....see that over there?" pointing in the direction of the Mezuzah but sort of towards the porch light "It means I'm Jewish."

Me, a bit puzzled, looked at the porch light and said, "Those fancy bulbs mean you're Jewish?" (Frick...the whole neighborhood must be Jewish! I thought.)

"No, not that....the thing on the door!"

I looked at the wreath holder not knowing what it was....what a strange religious symbol! "Oh!" I said politely. ".....THAT means you're Jewish?....what IS that?" (I was trying to figure out how it represented the Jewish faith and all sorts of weird thoughts went through my head as I tried to fathom what this thing had to do with God).

"NO! Not that...the thing in the middle of the door!"

There hung two empty nails.....such a mystery.

"Oh......whatever it was....I think...it fell down...." I began looking around for the symbol of the Jewish faith that had fallen off the door to help the poor man find the declaration of his faith in a gesture of goodwill towards men.

The poor man looked exasperated and was clearly wondering if I was stupid. My companion looked like he was going to hurt himself trying not to laugh.

"NOT THAT! THAT THING! RIGHT! THERRRRREEE!" and he touched the Mezuza looking like he wanted to grab my head to show it to me.

"Oh THAAAAT! That means you're Jewish?"

"YES!"

"OHHHHH! Okay....what's that?"

He was very kind to teach me a bit about Judaism and the Mezuza. I can't say I taught him a whole lot about Christ, other than He takes the willing and not necessarily the enlightened or educated. But after this, I can never see a nails on a door, a wreath holder or sometimes the fancy bulbs in a porch light without remembering that none of those things symbolize that someone is Jewish....and start cracking up.

Matthew's Book....

2011-08-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

An Except from my book I'm writing to my children of things I wish I'd known, or think are really important to pass on to my children:

I generally don't have patience for drama in relationships or friendships. There are a lot of negative traits I try to stay away from just to keep life simple so I can focus my energies on those things and people that are most important rather than having my energy squandered with people who's lives aren't so organized. However, I've been around long enough now to see situations and people change and improve over time - situations that I thought would never improve and people I never thought would change.

Remember, while we do have a responsibility to our fellow man to be Christ like and to help and uplift them, we can't - nor are we supposed to - live life for them. Neither are we expected to unreasonably put our lives on hold waiting for someone else to decide to pull it together while we squander time, resources and energy supporting a situation that shouldn't exist or that the individual themselves should be responsible for supporting - possibly keeping leading us to thereby neglect others while we're unable or ineffectively "supporting" someone else. Always prayerfully consider your roles, goals and purposes in your relationships and friendships.

See That No Man Knoweth It......(Matthew 9:27-31)

2011-08-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

Thoughts, insights, revelations and inspirations from Matthew 9

27 ¶And when Jesus departed thence, two blind men followed him, crying, and saying, Thou Son of David, have mercy on us.

28 And when he was come into the house, the blind men came to him: and Jesus saith unto them, Believe ye that I am able to do this? They said unto him, Yea, Lord.

29 Then touched he their eyes, saying, According to your faith be it unto you.

30 And their eyes were opened; and Jesus straitly charged them, saying, See that no man know it.

31 But they, when they were departed, spread abroad his fame in all that country.

One of the things we learn about the Lord in the Latter Days is that He assumes nothing. Everything is declared, taught, reported, checked, verified and observed to see if things are done properly. This is the power, attention, meticulousness and omniscience of God.

I am reminded of our most sacred teachings in these verses when the Lord does not simply grant a request, but asks the question first and thereby to have the men declare whether they believe what is going to happen is possible.

The Lord knows whether they have the faith. He could have simply done the miracle. He doesn't have to ask. Yet He does. Some people He did ask, others He simply performed the miracle for.

But I also find it interesting that He told them to keep this quiet and they did not. Why?

I can only speculate given the other goings on in the scriptures, and from this story, that the Lord did not wish them to keep it a secret out of humility or any other purpose related to Himself. We have seen just how evil the Pharisees were in their declaration that these things Christ was doing were of the Devil. There were coercions against people who were healed to deny the Lord who made them whole. We also see how another man was even cast out of the synagogue for having been healed. And yet another people were upset that He was curing people of their illnesses and asked Him to leave the city. His healing people was a very politically incorrect act!

If I might expound a bit more.

We know in the church how many people left when black men were given the priesthood. There was a sense of superiority among many who were not black over those who were. The giving to them of the priesthood - the making of all men equal in a sense - was more than many could handle - and many denied the faith from that day on in 1978.

Those who were infirm or had various physical maladies were also not allowed to enter the temples of the Lord in those days. There was also a belief from various scripture that because they had physical maladies they did sin in the premortal life or their parents or grandparents did sin and therefore the physical maladies were a sign of sin (John 9:2-3). Therefore, by implication, those who were whole were favored of God - able to participate in the Temple ordinances - and speak for God whereas those who were infirm could not. (It is interesting in John 9:2-3 that the Lord did not ask the disciples "where'd you get that ridiculous idea?" but instead merely affirmed the purpose of that particular man being born infirm - another miracle when you consider the veil is closed to men in general and here the Lord knew the specific purpose of that individual out of the billions on the earth - being born infirm.....wow. Such a breathtaking individual knowledge of us! He truly is Master! We can then know that He knows why we pass through our tribulations as well!)

The healing of those who were infirm was much like the giving the blacks the priesthood in our day - it undermined the self-superiority of those who were wicked and who were whole - and it was a threat to their pride.

So perhaps some evil befell these men simply for the receipt of their blessing, but we do see another thing: they disobeyed the Lord after being healed they immediately went and published it throughout the land.

Perhaps one can hardly blame them - in those days to be blind and then to see? There were no such miracles or aids as we have today for the infirm. Being blind reduced one to the lowest of the low in that age - you were good for very little if anything. And now? They could do much, spiritually and temporally that they could not do before! He had made them equal to the chief priests in a sense that they were whole now.

But the Lord does test us to see if we will be faithful to the things He has given us - and some things - we are specifically asked not to share with others. Sometimes as a test, other times because it will interfere with the faith of others or damage things sacred or even hinder other works.

Rhetorically, what might have happened if every miracle the Lord did was kept secret and never came to the knowledge of the Pharisees to accuse Him of working miracles by the power of the Devil? It is just a thought.

However, we also can know He knew what they would do before hand, and despite charging them not to tell....it was their choice and He wouldn't impinge upon their free agency either.

These are just my musings on the scriptures and the inspriation and insight I drew this morning. I don't believe any study of the scriptures is conclusive or final. But I do know we can truly see the Lord at work in the scriptures given if we will take the time to ponder and pray - For this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent (John 17:3). This morning, is just a bit more to ponder.

Hypocrisy in the LDS Church.........

2011-08-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.

Unfortunately in the gospel we are all hippocrites.

That's the entire purpose of the sacrament.

The church isn't a place for saints but a hospital for sinners. We don't go because we deserve to be there, but because we NEED to be there.

Unfortunately the issue of "hypocrisy" is something none of us are immune from. I think if we've been a member of the church for any length of time, we've experienced this unfortunately.

Unfortunately also, I've seen accusations of hypocrisy separate people from the church.

I've even seen Bishops leave even and I know there have been others even higher up in the church who have left over hypocrisy.

However as I'm seeing this impact some of my family - issues and perceptions of hypocrisy - in the church, I thought I'd write a couple of thoughts on the subject that came to me today in church.

Christ was very aware of hypcrisy in the church and yet acknowledged the prerogative of the church's rulers in their stewardship and authority:

Matthew 23:
1 Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples,

2 Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat:

3 All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.

4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

But when it comes to hypocrisy, it is interesting that Christ Himself suffered from hypocrisy at the hands of one of His disciples who betrayed Him with a kiss while calling him "...Master."

Christ Himself also had broken no law. But we can look at the travesties of justice and law in Christ's case.

Lets look at what happened in his trial: Mark 14

55 And the chief priests and all the council sought for witness against Jesus to put him to death; and found none.

The chief priests, rather than looking to save a soul and bring it to God which is the purpose of the priesthood, were looking to condemn a soul. Looking for a reason to condemn it. Trying to destroy it.

Who does that sound like? Who is called "the accuser of the bretheren"?

Continuing on,

56 For many bare false witness against him, but their witness agreed not together.

57 And there arose certain, and bare false witness against him, saying,

58 We heard him say, I will destroy this temple that is made with hands, and within three days I will build another made without hands.

59 But neither so did their witness agree together.

Can you imagine sitting and listening to this? Can you IMAGINE?

At this point the pretentiousness of the trial could have been set aside given what had already happened. Even in the Garden of Gethsemane He remarked that He had ever been teaching in the Synagogues, if He was so guilty, why wait till now and why come out against Him at night? Why hadn't they taken Him long ago?

His trial was held at night - also contrary to the commandments of the Lord.

Further, in such a case, the verdict that He was guilty being unanimous would have been enough to have a "mistrial" because a unanimous guilty verdict meant that the accused had no friend on the court and therefore wasn't represented fairly or equitably.

It goes on and on.

In all this I have a couple concluding thoughts.

One is that Christ Himself endured a hypocritical judgment which cost Him His life and He willingly endured it. If He can take it, then we should fear not to endure it as well. Matthew 10:28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

The other is that we cannot accuse others of being a hypocrite without ourselves being a hypocrite given that we all fall short of the glory of God. If we put our salvation on hold until others are perfect enough for us decide we can stand up and do what needs to be done....then we have truly surrendered to the enemy of our souls and will find we are in a precarious if not a sad state after this life.

The commandment isn't "Do what is right as long as others do right too." It's "Do what is right let the consequence follow."

Thoughts on Matthew....

2011-08-21T01:15:00.000-07:00

I always had a fondness for Matthew. Mostly for one obvious reason but the other that it was written to the Jews and draws heavily on scripture of the Old Testament to illustrate that Jesus was in fact the Messiah.

I had forgotten that our Bishopric asked us to study the New Testament this year. I bit the dust when President Hinkley asked us to study the Book of Mormon as a family. So, though I have 3 books of the Old Testament to finish to completely finish it, I decided to start the New Testament tonight before retiring.

One of the things that struck me though as I've contemplated the atonement over the nearly two decades I've been a church member is the risk there was in God Himself - or Christ - undertaking an atonement in mortality.

What if he failed? What if something....anything.....went awry? What about the billions who were born, lived, sinned, died before Christ? Was there a backup plan? A second chance? Shouldn't Christ have come RIGHT AFTER the fall of Adam and Eve just to be on the safe side?

Instead, I've come to think of Christ entering mortality as a witness that God keeps His promises. The fact that God could let so many billions come to this sphere and then fulfill His mission to reclaim them is a witness that He does what He promised.

I know we've heard the story of the "Three" wise men who came from the East to see the boy who was the Son of God.

I'm not sure where in the East they came from - Persia? At any rate, I've never seen a miracle of a star following me or leading me by night and standing over where I'm supposed to go. But it also occurred to me that the men traveled at night. Why night? I don't know. I know there's less traffic on the highways in our day but for some reason these guys could only travel at night...unless...it was like a half hour trip in one evening.

At any rate, I also noted that Joseph was warned to flee into Egypt to save the child's life from Herod's decree when Herod ordered all children under age 2 to be killed in his effort to kill the Christ child.

One of the things that struck me, was Joseph was warned in a dream to flee into Egypt. The Wise Men were warned in a dream not to return to Herod. Here we have a baby Christ - unable to defend Himself - helpless and depending on His parents to protect Him as well as all of Heaven at this point - had they not listened to the Lord.....a lot of things would have been messed up to say the least.

The other thing that struck me was just how many millions of children this had to be who were killed by this decree - yet their deaths could not and would not make up for if the Christ Child did not finish His mission - and the Lord allowed it to happen.

Just my thoughts from the beginnings of Matthew.

The work goes on....

2011-08-14T23:54:00.000-07:00

Well, my mother is having dinner with the missionaries and someone from the church this week and is I believe beginning to investigate the church!

I don't worry about it. If my dad can be baptized on my mission, and my non-member mother actually attend my sealing in the temple - then anything can happen.

Besides, I just baptized my trusty-assistant's daughter the other week - well, Elder McPhee did, but I confirmed her - but - baptized makes more sense in our Protestant world. Anyways, that and one of my staff I worked with last year just called me today who's started investigating the church who knows me and wanted me to answer the questions the Elders couldn't answer. She tested and tried me for and HOUR AND A HALF....and I can keep up. She asked me to deliver her an LDS Book of Mormon. So! If that can happen....then I'm not worried about my mom being baptized or investigating. (Besides....God told me it's true....so I'm comforted there!)

breathtaking....like life....

Besides, some of my most personal, sacred, innermost prayers have been I believe shown to be being answered and those prayers will be completely answered in time though - but I have seen just HOW MUCH my Father in Heaven really does love me - I'm not overly concerned about them being answered or not.

The one thing I do wonder about though is....how much I see the apostles focus on us loving Him - to be worthy to stand in His presence.

From all I read of Him - I do know the love is unconditional. But I think the goal and desire is for us to be prepared to stand in His presence. I do believe to this mortal sphere His presence is weighty, but also very liberating as well.....at the same time, I think it's about not being ashamed to stand in His presence.....I'm not sure. It's something I'll have to consider.

Caffeine! And the Word of Wisdom

2011-08-14T15:51:00.000-07:00

While caffeine isn't specifically forbidden by the Word of Wisdom, there are differing views on the consumption of caffeine by church members around the world. As much as I detest the lessons on the Word of Wisdom that descend into measurements of caffeine, alcohol or probability statistics of alcoholism that began with a bottle of Nyquil, I thought I would contribute something to the caffeine discussions as they relate to church members.

About anything can be addictive. It depends on your biology and the substance. Some people for example are more predisposed to become addicted to alcohol and others caffeine even though they may drink the same thing. This being said, substances such as caffeine and alcohol aren't themselves inherently addictive.

Before I go to far, it must be noted that the Word of Wisdom was given for the weak and weakest of those that are or can be called Saints. This in mind, the Latter Day Saints have been spared much by not partaking of alcohol (or partaking of other substances) even though it is realized that many can drink it (partake of them) and not abuse it or even become addicted. It is a great blessing for us.

So what about caffeine? Not forbidden, lots of hooplah about it in Word of Wisdom discussions. What about it?

Well, I just discovered something the other day that you think I'd know as a psychology major but caffeine just wasn't my main focus as an undergraduate.

Caffeine can cause massive headaches (MASSIVE) from withdrawal. Just ask my trusty assistant at work who started living the word of wisdom. Massive enough to end up in the hospital a few times. If you're going to quit caffeine cold turkey? Might wanna cut down gradually.

But beyond this, caffeine CAN cause anxiety, depression and increase aggression. (http://www.moodletter.com/Caffeine.html).

Why am I writing this? Because I've been one of the biggest drinkers of Diet Dr. Pepper in the industry and I've had some serious issues with depression, anxiety AND aggression (Hey! I never shot anyone that didn't deserve it! Jk.). I thought it had to do with my attention deficit disorder, difficulties at work or my being a military veteran. It wasn't until after reading the above article and others like it that I decided to try cutting back.

I noticed the next day my mood was pretty easy. Began the morning with 1.5 cans of Mt. Dew. No problem was fairly relaxed through the day.

Later in the day after downing one more can of Dr. Pepper - within 40 minutes - I felt very stressed! Then I began to get angry over little things! And my aggression? Increased!

While that isn't enough to conclude a clinical study, I've cut back on the caffeine and noticed that my mood and abilities have changed as a result and I'm coping with a lot of things much much better than before. I'm sleeping better at night which also affects depression, anxiety and aggression - due to cutting back on caffeine. Things I've struggled with for DECADES. I wasn't always Mormon. I was a heavy coffee drinker by age 14 literally downing a gallon a day before noon in highs school and junior high - maybe that's why I'm only 5'6". I loved teas and had a bunch of exotic teas as well that I just LOVED and even got tea sets for Christmas. I still love herbal teas though - licorice, chamomile, some of the sugar cookie teas and mint teas, orange and lemon are very good. No tea leaves though - only flavored water essentially.

So, what's the point of the Word of Wisdom? It's a principle with a promise. It isn't meant to become a lifestyle or even a focus, but simply a means for us to receive temporal and spiritual blessings with our bodies and minds. There are conspiracies in society to cause addictions and generate money with drugs and food and drink as revealed in the Word of Wisdom - a novel concept in the 1830's-1840's but standard fare today. But above all, it's to help us in this life and make us free from many troubles.

But as for caffeine? I think there is something to be aware of with it as well and as with all things be aware of the consequences and use things in moderation. It doesn't mean I won't drink Dr. Pepper ever again, but I I'm definitely going to cut back from the 2 liters a day I was drinking. Not only will I enjoy more clarity of mind and a closeness with the spirit that comes with living that way.

The Word Of Wisdom? Well....I think there's something to be said for using wisdom, discretion and judgment with it - just like every other commandment. After all, what makes this one so special that hypocrites and saints alike seem to race to hold up the commandment to a test-tube to measure it?

Use wisdom!

Stephen Colbert On Mitt Romney, Mormonism & 2012 Election

2011-08-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

One of the things I like about being LDS is that we hold our religion sacred, but we can also laugh at ourselves as well. I always wondered the Catholic thing as well.

The Colbert Report
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Life's End.....Life Beginning...

2011-08-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

Scriptures:

Abraham 3: 26 And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.

Romans 8: 16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.

18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

John 10: 17 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.

18 No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.

Story

On my mission in Louisiana, while tracting one day, along the side of the road I came across what looked like a gravestone. As we parked our car on the side of the road, I doubted there was a gravestone on the side of the road, but as I rolled over it to park, I went far enough past it that I could walk back and look at whatever it was I had seen.

As I got out and inspected the stone, it was in fact a marble grave-stone marker on the side of the road. It even had a photograph of a young man on the front of it. He had died not too long ago. He was seventeen.

How unusual.

I pondered the singularity of finding a grave-stone-marker on the side of the road...and the fact that my mission car's tire had rolled over it and wondered who would put that there and wondered if I had offended anyone in trying to park there.

I spent some time there waiting for my companion to load up his backpack and just reflected on the spot. There seemed to be an immense sadness in that very spot, though I couldn't understand what it meant or why and didn't have too much time to contemplate as we had work to do.

We began tracting in that area until we came to a house of a less-active family and the father invited us in. In conversation I mentioned the marker back on the road a ways and around a corner. He informed me that was for his son who had died there.

He began to tell us the story as to why he was no longer active in the church.

Apparently he had been in the Elder's Quorum Presidency - something of leadership in the ward. At any rate, they were a very active family. Until one day his son had become involved with a girl and she had gotten pregnant.

When she informed him, he decided to do what was right because he loved her. He got a job and began to provide for his to-be family while putting himself through additional school, procured a ring and asked her to marry him so he could take care of her and their baby to be.

She told him she wanted nothing to do with him, according to the father, and told him she didn't love him and didn't want to be with him.

I seem to remember that she chose not to keep the child either, and told him goodbye and to never talk to her again and that she didn't want to see him ever.

That night he went to the spot on the road in the family car, and pulled out a pistol and shot himself in the mouth over his failed love.

His body was found hours later with the car running.

At this point the father began to demand answers I didn't have the answer to, nor do I think it would be my place to try.

"Why didn't God save my son?!"

"He's done so many miracles, why couldn't God have sent an angel to stop him?!"

"We gave so much to the Lord and He allows my son, my oldest son to be taken?"

"You can't tell me the Lord couldn't have saved him, but he allowed this and now......"

The family had since been inactive since then while my companion and I started to teach the teenage son and daughter the discussions in an attempt to reactivate a family.

The father, who's wife had left him, was very angry at Heaven and everything else Above over his loss. I saw a family destroyed, and being destroyed seemingly by this event.

I felt at a loss for words.

Later as we returned to the spot to continue on our way, I could tell the son was still there.

Still mourning.

He looked at me as if I could do something to help him.

There was nothing I could do.

I could feel his heart breaking and I could feel that he refused to leave the spot in the hope that something might happen to allow him to undo what he'd done. He would give anything to continue on. He was so consumed with sorrow he could barely look at me as he continued grieving.

I wondered.

The prophet Joseph Smith taught that the telestial glory is so beautiful, if we saw it we would kill ourselves just to get there. And then, if that were the case....that's exactly where we would go.

Interestingly if we contrast suicide with the end the Lord had given.

His chief apostle had denied Him.

Throngs that had proclaimed Him Lord, deserted Him for various reasons.

His people had rejected Him.

They chose a murderer over Him.

His own mother and brothers and sisters stood and watched him as he hung in cruel agony, dying.

And even His own Father left Him to finish the work on His own - leaving Him to cry "My father, My father, why hast thou forsaken me?" and he was alone.

Despite all this, as He hung there, it was not until He said, "Father, it is finished. Into thy hands I commend my spirit" that He left this mortal realm.

"It is finished."

And not a moment before.

He even chastised His chief apostle for suggesting such a fate was too good for Him and that such an end shouldn't happen by saying "Get thee behind me Satan! Thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men."

As for our own sorrows, we are told they must come. It is a requirement for this life. They are neccessary. Having progressed as far as we could in the realms above, we are now ready to test ourselves against the adversary, blindfolded by a veil while struggling against the flesh. We came here believing we could succeed and were willing to endure it.

The Lord least of all, last of all - in nowise deserved what befell Him - yet he persisted. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all, art thou greater than He?" (D&C 121:8).

Having seen the devastation that comes from surrendering our second estate with my own eyes, I think we do well to emulate the example of the Apostle Paul.

Paul, both a Jew (Benjaminite) and a Roman, could have simply declared his Roman citizenship which exempted him from being flogged. Yet he considered himself not worthy to escape that which he'd inflicted on others as a Pharisee having condemned men, women and children who believed in Christ to death - and willingly suffered it.

Life is a storm. One moment we bask in the sun, and the next we are broken on life's rocks. We needn't be surprised at the ferocity of the Adversary in his jealous rage over us in this life. He forsook his first estate refusing to acknowlege our Father and sought to overpower Him and us. Now, only given power to entice us to surrender, meanwhile he's condemned to watch us progress with our bodies and receive the very blessings he can only try to prevent and so badly wanted but can never receive....should we be surprised?

No....we came here to test ourselves against the elements and willing to endure all that they would inflict to prove ourselves.

It must needs be that offenses come......

Hold On. Hold On! Some things cannot be undone no matter how long we wait or want to go back

We needn't beg for mercy at the feet of the Adversary, but rather we need to be assured that when we pass through life's afflictions it is a compliment of the confidence the Lord places in us.

Life's end properly encountered is actually the beginning of life had more abundantly - but only when it is finished. Not a moment before.

"If you can force your heart, your nerve and sinew to serve their turn till long after they are gone, and so hold on till there's nothing left within you except the will that says to them, 'Hold on! Hold on!'.....if you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run, yours is the world and everything that's in it! And which is more...you'll be a man my son!" (Rudyard Kipling to his son, in "If")

2 Nephi 31: 16 And now, my beloved brethren, I know by this that unless a man shall endure to the end, in following the example of the Son of the living God, he cannot be saved.

2 Nephi 31: 20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

The Herd of Swine....

2011-08-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

I am somewhat hesitant to put down an interpretation of the scriptures only because there is so much more that can come out of a scripture than I can possibly write here. Be that as it may, I thought I'd post a bit about what I read in Mark 5 and just some thoughts on it.

Here's the text of the chapter with some notes that go into it:

1And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes.

2And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,

3Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:

4Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.

5And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.

(Notice - a man possessed with an unclean spirit would be in the tombs - according to Mosaic law - this would make him "unclean" spiritually and temporally and deny him the blessings of God until he was cleansed - the demons were attracted to filth!)

6But when he saw Jesus afar off, he ran and worshipped him,

7And cried with a loud voice, and said, What have I to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of the most high God? I adjure thee by God, that thou torment me not.

8For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.

Interesting that a possessed man by an unclean spirit would invoke the authority of God to prevent him from doing something it didn't desire. Jesus IS God. Also, its interesting to note that they recognized the power of God to torment them and begged for mercy from God - yet attempts to command him not to bother him. An attempt to tell God what to do?

9And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.

10And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country.

11Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding.

12And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.

13And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.

A couple things here that are worth noting. I do know a name is of significance in the eternal realms, and I'm certain the Lord already knew who he was talking to, but the Lord goes through the formality of asking - giving them a chance to be honest or be deceitful. And then - the name they gave sounds to me like it was a bogus name.

Then it's interesting to note that they begged God not to send them out of the country. And then they asked Him to send them into a herd of swine - one of the most unclean animals in Judaism/Mosaic Law. I don't know about devils begging God to let them do something to someone, other than we read in Job about Satan talking with the Lord about afflicting Job and the Lord giving him power to do so. In congruence with this, Jesus said to Pilate that he couldn't have any power over Him at all unless God Himself allowed him to have it. We also know that in the Garden of Eden, the Lord told Lucifer specifically what power he would have to bruise the heel of Man. Meanwhile, we also know that Satan will claim what is his at the last day as well - so I'm not sure how this relationship plays out between him and God, but this chapter seems to hermeneutically add to our knowledge of it.

At any rate, I'm not sure what's up with the Lord giving them leave to go take possession of a physical creature - but - he did in fact allow it.

14And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done.

So here - the swine were being used as food - unclean food. I am inclined to believe that the people who were herding the swine may have been Jews who weren't observing the law - at any rate, now these people have been deprived of an unclean food that's prohibited by the Mosaic law. Now I suppose they will be fed by something else - man shall not live by bacon alone? But by every word that proceedeth from the mouth of God?

15And they come to Jesus, and see him that was possessed with the devil, and had the legion, sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.

16And they that saw it told them how it befell to him that was possessed with the devil, and also concerning the swine.

17And they began to pray him to depart out of their coasts.

So here these people had been deprived of an unclean animal to eat, seen a man made whole who no man could cure but they were afraid and didn't want anything to do with it...they would rather have a man possessed and their unclean animals.......

18And when he was come into the ship, he that had been possessed with the devil prayed him that he might be with him.

19Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.

So here a man was healed by the Lord and wanted to be comforted to be with Him, but the Lord said no - you have work to do and you need to go.

20And he departed, and began to publish in Decapolis how great things Jesus had done for him: and all men did marvel.

And he became a missionary...was far more productive for the Lord than just remaining with Him.

That's just my thoughts....

THEN I will repent....THEN I will be happy....THEN things will be better...

2011-07-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

If you were going to die today...what would you change?

I do know we aren't capable of change all at once - the scriptures are quite clear on this actually and hence there's a reason God gives us the time He does.

Mosiah 4:27

27 And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.

Often we put conditions on our repentance that *IF* we could see the life hereafter - *THEN* we would know if it was worth it or not and would change. God, in His wisdom knowing the Eternal Laws by which He governs and lives, wisely has withheld such knowledge:

Alma 34: 17 Yea, there are many who do say: If thou wilt show unto us a ^asign from heaven, then we shall know of a surety; then we shall believe.

18Now I ask, is this faith? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for if a man knoweth a thing he hath no cause to ^abelieve, for he knoweth it.

19And now, how much ^amore ^bcursed is he that ^cknoweth the ^dwill of God and doeth it not, than he that only believeth, or only hath cause to believe, and falleth into ^etransgression?

Lastly, what will it take for us to improve? What? D&C 58:

26For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is ^acompelled in all things, the same is a ^bslothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

27Verily I say, men should be ^aanxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

28For the power is in them, wherein they are ^aagents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their ^breward.

29But he that ^adoeth not anything until he is commanded, and receiveth a commandment with ^bdoubtful heart, and keepeth it with slothfulness, the same is ^cdamned.

30Who am I that ^amade man, saith the Lord, that will hold him ^bguiltless that obeys not my commandments?

31Who am I, saith the Lord, that have ^apromised and have not fulfilled?

What will it take?

The greatest calling......

2011-07-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

I used to aspire to be a prophet someday, maybe an apostle - something great - when I first joined the church. All the high and powerful callings - those were meant for me!

And then....reality set in. The reality of my mortality and weaknesses and purpose and mission in this life.

The highest calling I've held I suppose was first counselor in a bishopric, or group presidency - smaller than a branch presidency - in the Guantanamo Bay Group. I'd been a member about 18 months at that point, only held the Aaronic priesthood and - whoah, what a load. Other than that, district leader in the mission field.

In the mission field I was a very successful missionary. My companions and I lit cities up that had previously been "dead" when we were called in. I was an amazing teacher! Why wasn't I being called to be Assistant to the President! ME! ME! ME!

My Zone Leader, Elder Chad Anderson, one day when I was frustrated on the topic said to me, "Elder, everyone has a purpose in the mission field. You baptize like crazy. Do you really think they are going to call someone who baptizes as much as you out of the field and put them behind a typewriter in the office? Some of us are called to help weak companions. Others are called to lead. Others are called to be AP's. And others are called to baptize one quarter of the mission field every month" and he looked at me. I got the point.

Now, stumbling around 18 years later in the church, struggling just to be a parent and a husband.....I've realized that while callings in the church of a high and lofty nature are to be desired, there is much more to be accomplished in the callings we have right where we are at here at home.

The prophets have told us that no success in life can compensate for failure in the home. Similarly, there is nobody in the eternities that we will be so close to as our own families. The family is the fundamental unit of society and Heaven. This in mind, our greatest works are in the home. Our greatest callings are within our families.

Fathers - have a calling to be patriarchs to their families and their wives. Mothers have a calling to be matriarchs to their families and husbands. Our spiritual guidance and strength are needed right here at home and in our personal lives.

If I can draw on my experiences as a US Navy Sailor, while the Captains and Admirals get the glory, they cannot succeed if not for the Petty Officers and Chiefs and crewmembers who make the fleet go to war and function. Even the less glamorous jobs of cleaning toilets, taking out garbage, cooking food....a ship will not survive at sea long without these jobs being done.

"Whate'er thou art, act well thy part." There's plenty to do right here at home of a significant and eternal nature! As for the other callings? They come in time when we are faithful to the smaller callings that are oh-so-important to our Heavenly Father.

A testimony of tithing....

2011-07-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

Many who would follow the LDS faith get hung up on one doctrine that prevents them from being a full member: Tithing.

I admit, it's been a problem for some members of my family who wish to know why the church puts a price on membership.

Ex mormons call it a "fee" for membership and equate going to the temple as having to pay your way to get into it and then cite examples such as the money changers in the temple as an example of God's displeasure with the seeking after money. They then cite the fact that the disciples of Jesus were poor, and that therefore this all is about a love of money and that the work of the Lord shouldn't involve anything to do with money.

The gospel then gets watered down into a bunch of good feelings and intentions with no real substance to it with nothing being done for good in the life of the individual and the case made that really religion is a sham and isn't needed at all and the individual has been "deceived" and they will be better on their own.

HOWEVER, I disagree. Let me tell you why I believe the critics arguments against tithing carry little water.

If money is so evil - all the more reason to part with it and give it to others so that good might be done with it.

If a love of money is so wrong - why do so many church critics insist on keeping it all to themselves?

Unfortunately - there is much in this world that can't be done without money.

Conversely: Fortunately, there is much good that can be done with money.

By their fruits ye shall know them. One of the blessings gained by tithing is learning to trust the Lord and rely on His blessings rather than trusting in Money to save you or provide for you.

Another blessing of tithing, contrary to the critics assertions is the payment of tithing specifically has to do with us not possessing a love of money and setting aside and having the ability to set aside the things of the world.

Further, of the things we could give our money to in this world, tithing is the single most productive way I can think of my money being spent where it goes directly to helping others more than anything I can think of in this world.

We live in a temporal world that carries spiritual blessings. One of the ways we progress spiritually is by learning to set aside the things of this temporal world or bring them into subjection to our spirits. Tithing helps us do this. Tithing is a blessing to the saints and is what helps build the church both temporally and spiritually and the Lord has proven His saints with it as the payment of tithes has brought down the blessings of Heaven upon the church and the members and allowed them to flourish even in uncertain times.

Our needs are met, our buildings are intact, the work goes forward and rather than being focused on worldly accomplishments, we focus our eye on the prize in the heavens above.

Tithing really is a blessing to the Latter Day Saints.