Saturday, December 7, 2013

HELP! Oh, Sorry, I Didn't Actually Want Help.

Go away!  I'm fine! I'm too busy looking good!
How do I begin this?


Well, my life has taken an amazing turn for the better lately but only because I had to go through a lot of spiritual pain.  Fortunately, like having a cavity removed, the pain of the surgery was more-than-worth the relief that followed.  The relief was even greater than the pain.

What happened?  I've been humbled.  I've had my ego ripped out of me.  I'm also actively digging at it and trying to remove it and looking for all the places it has hidden from my view but in plain sight of those around me.

Things I have fought against for a long time suddenly I just knew I had to admit I wasn't smart enough to fix without the Lord's help.   And had to come face to face with my own inadequacies.

Something we will all go through, sooner or later, here or there, we're going to sacrifice our pride.

And it has gotten me to thinking what it has taken to come to this point....

The spiritual blessings that have come from breaking down and letting go of my pride have far exceeded anything I ever gained by holding on to it.

It is kind of like.....drowning and holding on to a rock and sinking but being too stubborn to admit that the thing we are holding onto is what is killing us....and so....we drown.

And so the Lord comes along and realizes we are going under, being the God he is with our best interest in mind, he yells at us to "LET GO OF THE ROCK!  YOU'RE SINKING YOURSELF BY HOLDING ONTO THE ROCK! LET GO! TAKE MY HAND!"

Who does he think he is?  Ordering people around like that.....?

And we.......get mad because he was "rude" about it.....and was too direct, too sharp, wasn't kind enough.  So we refuse to let go even more stubbornly.

Then Satan comes along and says "Don't listen to him, he's so rude, if he REALLY cared, he'd talk with you about your rock and even admire it or talk about why you're hanging on to it.  I'd hang onto that rock because it is all you have to hold onto and at least that's secure rather than that jerk yelling at you and telling you what to do!"

Well....despite drowning our ego feels good, let's hold on to that and......we our deaths.....

What, just thrown?  No gift wrap or silver platter or singing telegram?  hmph....
I've had sharp words leveled at me by my bishop, but even more by the spirit and I have learned this: my time here is short.  I have my free agency and can set the conditions on which I will listen, but in the end, if I don't.....I'm going to be in trouble.   But more than that....God cares.  If he is yelling at us it is because we aren't listening.  If he speaks sharply it is because we aren't paying attention.

It is very tempting to get mad at the Lord in those instances or the Bishop or whoever, and there certainly is a "right way" and a "wrong way" to say things or have them said to us, but in the end, when we're humble, we tend to focus more on the message rather than the presentation.

That I need to repent?   Absolutely true.

That I need to be humble?  Also absolutely true.

Now rather than getting upset that I am told I need to repent, or be humble (also repent), I find myself sorrowing for my sins that I needed to be told - not because I am so proud I don't want to be told - but because I sorrow for the damage and missed blessings that come from having not repented.

At the same time, I also find myself rejoicing because I have discovered the key to it all - YES! YES I DO NEED TO REPENT AND BE HUMBLE!!!  It is true!

And the best part?  

I can!  And I know how to!

That is truly good news that the biggest obstacles in my way of eternal happiness are now eliminated other than the things of which I need to repent themselves - unless you would say I need to repent of non-repentance, in which case I'm actively working on that.

Can I share this revelation and its liberation with anyone else?  Well, I can tell them about it, but the discovery of the blessings is one they have to make themselves....I wish I could, but at best I can only  bear witness of it. 

I can't tell you what others need to do to have such joy, but I can tell you this....they do know what it is that they need to work on most, and heavenly father will tell them what they need to do to fix it.

If you're like me, and I bet we're not too different, you probably know what needs to be done (or have) but don't want to do it and keep trying to find "another way" and pretend you're not absolutely certain about what it is and thereby justify continuing where you're at....

Well, I got tired of the games with myself and what it was costing me and I've found peace now and know how to do it and know it works and will work for everyone because that is the nature of the atonement and plan of salvation.

In closing, after my father died in March, he spoke to me through the veil and gave me his last piece of fatherly advice shortly after his passing from a vantage point I have yet to achieve.  He said this: "Repent of your sins.  You don't need them where you're going.  (They won't help you)."

And so....I did and am and will continue to do so and am becoming every day even more free....

And that is wonderful news indeed.

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