It Depends on How You Measure it

I very often feel like I must be failing in life, as my life is definitely one of endurance, and most certainly perseverance.  I always wonder how I measure up in the test of life.

On another test in life, when I went to take my exam for my counseling license, I began to freak out in the middle of the exam because I know there was no way I was passing.  The questions seemed like they were all a catch 22 - there were no "right" answers.  I had studied diligently, but I knew I must be failing.  I was honestly going to get up and walk out and quit, study again and come back and try to pass again. 

The only reason I didn't get up and leave was out of Navy pride: we weren't taught to quit. 

I knew I had failed, and when I finished, I waited for the confirmation of my failure.  A minute passed, and then another.  Then they came back and informed me: "You passed! Congratulations!"

What?  There had to be a mistake. There was zero way I passed.

When I got my scores some weeks later, I had to do some digging.  It turned out the test I was given was an experimental test, and my score seemed to show I had not done so hot.  Through a bunch of complicated algorithms, though I had a lot of "wrong" answers, it turned out I scored in the top 1% nationally of licensed counselors.  The test had a massive failure rate, and when that was taken into account I was at the very top nationally.   I'm reminded of the test in Star Trek at the Academy where they were faced with a no-win situation. The test wasn't there they could win, but how they held up. I was astonished, but grateful I hadn't quit.  To think what would have been missed if I had.

I'm wondering at times if life isn't a test similar to my counseling licensure exam. It's impossible not to get wrong answers, yet we can still be doing amazing even when we feel like we're losing.  I know that most people don't succeed where I am. Most quit.  Most walk away. Most leave. 

I don't know how I'm doing, eternally, in terms of an actually test score, but I know my test isn't over.

Maybe we're doing better than we think. It just all depends on how we measure it. 

Steady: Endure it Well

 

I've been on a roller-coaster of a journey unlike any other spiritually at church over the past several years, and more than I've ever experienced. 

The short of it is we got a lot of tares and wolves in sheep's clothing, and as Elder Uchdorf urged us to ask in one of his conference talks, we have to ask at all times "Lord, is it I?" 

This lesson has been going on for two-and-a-half years of opposition, backbiting, sabotage, you name it - I certainly haven't done anything to deserve it, and I most certainly didn't cause it or make anyone do it - but that's not the point.  None of those things were me, and we can always do something different, but through all of this I know there wasn't much I could have done that would have stopped this.  Yet I still have a calling I'm expected to uphold and not quit, but I ultimately have felt powerless to stop any of what's going on.  So what's the point?

The point is: how do you handle it? 

How Did you Die - Edmund Vance Cooke

Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble's a ton, or a trouble's an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it,
And it isn't the fact that you're hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?

You are beaten to earth? Well, well, what's that?
Come up with a smiling face.
It's nothing against you to fall down flat,
But to lie there -- that's disgrace.
The harder you're thrown, why the higher you bounce;
Be proud of your blackened eye!
It isn't the fact that you're licked that counts,
It's how did you fight --  and why?

And though you be done to the death, what then?
If you battled the best you could,
If you played your part in the world of men,
Why, the Critic will call it good.
Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,
And whether he's slow or spry,
It isn't the fact that you're dead that counts,
But only how did you die?

(Perhaps it could be, how did you try?)

 Sometimes we aren't there to fix it, very often the Lord allows things to happen and we are there to be strengthened and refined by learning to endure it well - to gain insights into ourselves and the Lord's operations and the kingdom itself, if we are wise enough to be able to do it.

The Lord has allowed wolves in sheep's clothing in the church for time immemorial, and it's precisely an inability to endure-it-well with such things that has cost many, many a saint their eternal glory.  They decide the church isn't true, or decide to leave because they decide it has apostatized. 

It has taken me all this time to learn these lessons, I've been given the time to learn these lessons. 

The question is, what are we to learn?  Joseph Smith was told in Liberty Jail "These things shall give thee experience."  

Endure it well. 

Pray that you do not shrink from the lessons and opportunities at hand, don't let emotion get the best of you, and certainly don't let anything cost you your testimony.

Be not moved.

Pray to the Lord in all things. 

Many things in the gospel will not be fair, and many more will not be "right" and other things will not be "righteous" but the Lord knows what He's doing with your life and the lives of those you have struggles with.  If we can't deal with unfair and not right, are we truly equipped for the higher things in the gospel? The savior had to subject himself to massive amounts of unrighteousness, and a sham trial by those who were supposed to be the keepers of the kingdom.  Why should we be any different?  What royal road of exception and privilege have we to traverse to our exaltation? 

Lessons learned, endure it well, make the time count.  Keep climbing higher regardless of the troubles, and be faithful as you do so.  And be grateful for an opportunity to serve, even when you struggle. Let it bless you.