On another test in life, when I went to take my exam for my counseling license, I began to freak out in the middle of the exam because I know there was no way I was passing. The questions seemed like they were all a catch 22 - there were no "right" answers. I had studied diligently, but I knew I must be failing. I was honestly going to get up and walk out and quit, study again and come back and try to pass again.
The only reason I didn't get up and leave was out of Navy pride: we weren't taught to quit.
I knew I had failed, and when I finished, I waited for the confirmation of my failure. A minute passed, and then another. Then they came back and informed me: "You passed! Congratulations!"
What? There had to be a mistake. There was zero way I passed.
When I got my scores some weeks later, I had to do some digging. It turned out the test I was given was an experimental test, and my score seemed to show I had not done so hot. Through a bunch of complicated algorithms, though I had a lot of "wrong" answers, it turned out I scored in the top 1% nationally of licensed counselors. The test had a massive failure rate, and when that was taken into account I was at the very top nationally. I'm reminded of the test in Star Trek at the Academy where they were faced with a no-win situation. The test wasn't there they could win, but how they held up. I was astonished, but grateful I hadn't quit. To think what would have been missed if I had.
I'm wondering at times if life isn't a test similar to my counseling licensure exam. It's impossible not to get wrong answers, yet we can still be doing amazing even when we feel like we're losing. I know that most people don't succeed where I am. Most quit. Most walk away. Most leave.
I don't know how I'm doing, eternally, in terms of an actually test score, but I know my test isn't over.
Maybe we're doing better than we think. It just all depends on how we measure it.
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