When I took my exam for my counseling license, it turned out to be the hardest test I have ever taken,
even compared to Naval Nuclear Engineering - those tests could be upwards of four hours long, all math and physics, written or demonstrated. A correct answer but your work does not add up to the answer you got? Instant accusation of a lack of integrity: cheating. A court martial or Captain's Mast was on the table, everything had to be perfect, all of the time, each time, every time, all the time, exactly the same.
On this counseling test I got only partway through it and I knew I was failing.
There was zero way I was passing this test.
I looked at this and actually thought about it. I went to stand up and hand in the test and call it quits to come back and study better and try another day because I had zero clue on what they were testing me on and none of it made any sense. Nothing here was anything I had studied.
Flash back to the military police academy, the Master at Arms set a sailor up to fail again, another gunman popped up and I watched another police officer get shot. Again.
He dropped his gun as the assailant pumped a full magazine into his chest.
Suddenly the Master at Arms started yelling at him about the "will to survive" and started screaming at him that he still had 21 rounds left, that until he was actually completely dead he was to keep fighting, buy the other sailors some time to get into position.
He failed.
The Master at Arms told him we were going to run the exercise again, and we were going to learn to never give up until we couldn't do anything else to keep going, even if it was using our body as a shield or to key a radio to buy time or pull a trigger and make noise as a decoy or to draw fire from others.
"You're dead, set up another one."
Again, and again, and again, we ran and ran until we learned not to quit and always keep going no matter what happened.
On the practical side, I'm not that tall, I'm on the small side of the military's service-members and it seemed every Marine Infantryman had to test his Wheaties on one of the shortest sailors there was. (I loved working with the Marines, they were America's Finest, though they are a really deadly bunch when drunk and feeling froggy, though you never took on just one sailor if you started anything, you'd have an entire bar or street jumping in with you so there was that as well). .
I never lost a fight. Not once. Never was touched. I have been outnumbered and outgunned six to one and always walked away and turned the tables on every single fight I got into (I got smacked in the face once through a detention cell but that was a cheap shot and doesn't count). It wasn't because I was good as much as I had learned not to be stupid or be overconfident and put myself in a bad position. The job was dangerous. I had seen nearly every sailor I worked with sent to the hospital for an injury at some point.
Being short(er) has its advantages. I'm going to come up from underneath and you won't see it coming and you'll be off balance trying to get to my level and I've had to work hard my entire life to overcome everything anyways. A lot of prayer helped, definitely.
And now here I was having my rear end kicked by a test that was impossible I was passing.
I have three children and I expect them to fight their way through things. Now what was dad going to do? Be beaten by a piece of paper? I knew* I was failing, but I wasn't going to quit.
A flash-back to a tire company working to pay for my mission, freshly out of the Navy with the tire guys yelling at me "C'mon Navy boy, let's see what you got!" and I was running out of sheer Navy Pride to not let those guys outrun me, even though I was dying.
Back to the test.
I decided to keep going and do my best and see what I could come up with. I put my head down and tried even though none of this made sense.
A few hours later I handed in my paper and waited for the notice: you failed.
I stood there waiting for the inevitable.
A moment later they told me, "Congratulations! You passed!"
"Wut....?"
"You passed!"
"No....way....there's zero way I passed that....."
"Well, you did!"
She looked excited for me. I looked stunned and in disbelief.
I marveled and went outside, trying to ponder what had just happened. What would have happened had I quit?
I later received my scores. I had apparently been given some new sample test that was being beta tested, and it had insane failure rate of ~80% failed that test.
But by the time they did some complicated algorithms, I had actually managed to score in the top 1% of the United States nationally on my test.
I pondered it all and its spiritual significance.
Like our life, there's a time coming when we all have to turn in our papers, the test will be over, no more do-overs, no more erasures, no more explanations, just turn it in.
But what happens when we quit testing early just because we think it's over?
It's all a lie of the adversary, a deception to get us quit, telling us that we have failed or it's time to go or we can't make it. The stakes of this game are real, high, and eternal and permanent. You don't get another chance after this to do what you're doing now. So, take a breather, get back in there, and keep going. It's not over until it's over.
And, most likely, you're doing better than you think. I thought I failed and I was at the top of my curve and my game but never knew it. Just keep going.
The Savior did not quit, it was not until it was all over that he finally said "It is finished." Those being crucified next to him, one told him to save himself and them, but the Savior remained. He wished for his time to pass, but instead said "not my will, but thine be done." We're here for a reason, now it's time to get into the fight and keep going until we're done and go do our best. It's who we are and were born to be and were and are in all eternity. We got a mission to finish and work to do, we are to keep going until we're done and not a moment before, keep fighting, keep trying, keep going, KEEP WINNING, even when we are "sure" we aren't. And if we aren't sure, or feel we're losing, it's time to hit our knees and go ask for help, and then get up and go again.
It's time to go join our Savior. Keep going until it - we - are finished with him. Together.